Tuesday, May 31, 2011

'See me at my show and my hurrrrrrr is cut like a baby'


Dear Lil b,

It's come to my attention that you urmm rap.
WHY? are you serious?
Why do you love your dick sooo much?
 I think lil wayne might be your lost long dad.
i mean, THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
YOU BOTH SOUND THE SAME...probably due to incredible dosage of cough syrup...and
YOU BOTH CHAT SHIT.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
awesome right?
now, explain this song to me...


you seee, you're a tissuehead and you make silly meech songs.
I THINK I LOVE YOU.
CALL ME.
yours sincerely,
the young romance society

Karen I wanna be your friend!


Since Facebook do random friend requests now i want to be Karens friend she looks like a ball

Gully sex dance



So you all know i can dance but that guy Tyler yeah hes just gully sex

hello meeches


Baby meech slash baby slag slash look at my bum doe slash we are not gully

Saturday, May 28, 2011

NELLY KAMWERA AWA MISS UNIVERSE 2011

Miss Universe 2011,Nelly Kamwera akiwani mwenye furaha mara baada ya kushinda usiku huu katika mashindano yaliyofanyika katika hoteli ya Golden Tulip,Masaki jijini Dar.

I shouldn't laugh but.....

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

MANS DOIN AN ALL NIGHTER, init.

(i love her nails) soo jeallluuuzzzz

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!
*gully creeps* im such a rebel
not really considering im staying up to do WORK
how cool is that?
awesome, i tells ya.
im probably gonna have hangover eyes tomorrrow.
JUST GREAT.
but im in good mood, you know..
.......................................................................................................................

actuallly...wait.....some bastard stole my TEN QUID phone in the college library
well, THAT pissed me off for like ....15 minutes.
WHERE ALL MY CONTACTS AT??
smh.
*wipes a tears*
.....................okay. im over it now

OH OH OH. I MADE A MIX TODAY!!!!!
which is SUPERLY DUBSTEPY/GARAGEY and SLLLLYING TOTEZ AWESOME ASWELL.
no, seriously it is.
DONT. GERR ME . MAD
 

Monday, May 23, 2011

Sunday, May 22, 2011

EMILY SORROW


Sooooo urrrrmmm hiya *waves frantically*
Its 1:40am, im just finished one assignment and about to do the next one. im on my second tea and im have nothing insightful to say.
I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED SLEEEEEEP.
but i have like a few days before the college assignments deadline and i wannna get into uni and shizzzz soo mans gotta do work init.
nernernerrrrrrr.
like i said, i have NOTHING insightful to say. but ima leave and do more work on my lonesome. *cries*
ps: im going to make a video about an optimistic emo/goth called 'emily sorrow.
i cannna wait till you guys see the video, init.


Saturday, May 21, 2011

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

DAILY TIPS: HOW TO WASH UTENSILS

I LOVE HER
Before this video i was lost, torn and emotional as i didnt know how to wash spoons or forks. I used to pay a monkey-pirate person to do the deed for me but NOW, because of herrrr, i can NOW wash my utensils
the right way. YAYZ! 

STOP BEGGING IT.

STOP TELLING ME 'we should hang out'
STOP STEALING MY FRIENDS....and i know i just say 'stealing' as im obviously a five year old.
you NEEEEEEEEEED to realise why you hang aroound with the people you do.
is it because they are 'cool'?
urmmm sooo they can get you guestlist for any club in mayfair?
DO YOU EVEN LIKE THESE PEOPLE?
iz it realllllllly worth it???
IF THEY DRESSED LIKE WHITNEY FROM EASTENDERS but had the same personality...would you still jam with them?
you want a snapback and you DONT even know what it is. ahahahhahahahahah . ITS A HAT. OKAY? A FUCKING COOL HAT.
Do you ONLY go to parties like 'bang bang' to..'network' or get your photo taken even though you obviously HATE IT??
Why do you INSIST on speaking like giggs when you go public school? allloooowww it bruv init.
R U 4 REALZZZ?
you spend hundreds of pounds on lace weave, only for it to loook shit. CAN YOU IMAGINE??
surely the purpose of having lace is for it to look like your real hair and yours doesn't.
im sorrry *hugs*
Do you constantly tweet 'ohmygodohmygod, im at yoyos with mark ronson'...even though he didn't SAY A WORD to you.
smh.
you should be ashamed of urself.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Hoes on my dick ,yh i make 'em real sleepy



the fat kid in the video is actually 35
his body is incapable of producing hormones
don't laugh its serious





XX BYRON

DOES THIS BERET HAT SONG MAKE ME A HIPSTER NOW?

disclaimer: this was a freestyle, sooo urmm yeah.

NEVER EVER GETTING WEAVE IN MY LIFE

HIYAAA AMIGASZZZ!!!!!

Basicallly for ages now, i havent an inch of weave in my hair as ive been going for the 'oh, lets be all 90s and poetic justice inspired' and shit.
...and then I REALISED all the black chicks in my college have weave and they look like a amazeballs like a sllllying cheaper looking versions of beyonce and I WANTED THAT TO BE ...urmmm me.
soo yesterday my classmate said she'll do my hair for me.
as she was weaving the huuuuurrrrr and prtty much ALMOST done she realised it wasnt 'human hair' but 'synthetic'. CAN YOU IMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGINE?
and apparently, if i straightened it, it will fizzzle to dust or something.
NOT to make matters worse, the hair currently on my head is soooo curly like im fucking latina or something.
and IT ACTUALLY LOOOOKS LIKE HAVE A LACE WIG ON MY HEAD.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
I WANT TO CRY.
WHY DIDNT I LISTEN TO EVERYONE WHEN THEY SAID I SHOULD GET WEAVE??
I DON'T LIKE IT. at alll .. at all.
soooo im currently wearing my beret hat to cover the embarrasssment.

smh.
i NEEEED to sort myself.
soooooo emosh right now.

Birthdays, Anniversaries & Eurovision!

Monday 9th May, I fell asleep some time after 6am, and had a restless sleep, worried about Adam/CatFunt, after he said he was going to commit suicide in the wee hrs & had taken 32 pills last night (As a Med graduate, he would know the correct combination to take to do the job!) I hope he was lying & is just vanishing off of Twitter & was just metaphorically killing off CatFunt_ and going off it for a while, to re emerge as a new parody! I'd hate to think he has killed himself!!.... 

 
Whichever the truth is, I will miss his warped humour, plus he was always lovely to me! After a fitful restless sleep where CatFunt wandered through what fragmented dreams I had. I woke at 8am & had a hot shower, to try ease my very rigid, very painful shoulders, that are no doubt worse, due to a stressful, night tossing & turning, concerned re Adam/CatFunt. Also worry over my favourite aunt, who I still haven't been able to contact, since I first tried on her Birthday.

 Aunty Babs


I had a plain Oat So Simple & 2 Rice Cakes with Peanut Butter for breakfast, with a coffee then got dressed in my grey/white 3/4 gym trousers & a long navy spaghetti strapped vest top, over a shorter beige spaghetti strapped vest top, slipped on my TrimSoles & popped to the shop for a Sun paper. The mail had arrived & I had my 2nd bottle of Satura Pro to trial & also my DVD of 'Losing It' (The short independent film I'm in) from Angus, and a Orange watch from Orange a prize got by topping up my phone credit. 

Why, Orange You Shouldn't Have!!

I checked my Hotmail Inbox, My Facebook & Twitter messages @CatFuntInHiding has now also vanished, I'm hoping that means he was still alive to delete it, this morning & not that he has killed himself & as it had his talk of suicide on it, it's been taken down, by a friend or family? There seems to be very little mention of it among the friends/former friends of CatFunt, just a gloating tweet from some sicko called Karmax_xxxx




Karma bites Karmax_xxxx
@SugarPinkLoz @number1joker_ @Theonlylexie @The_Evil_Barbie @kearsyjailed Ha! catfunts dead! all yous will get your dose of karma im sure.


Well I hope he/she can live with themselves, if Adam/CatFunt has committed suicide. She/he (@Karmax_xxxx) spouts about coward accounts, who hide behind faux faceless accounts, yet has a faceless account with a faux name themselves! Somewhat Hypocritical  wouldn't you say? I've no idea who they are, nor do I care really, but they spout about hating bully's & yet seem to be one themselves. The 1st time I even knew of their existence, was when I got a tweet from them! Saying 'Who are you? you need to lay off the fake tan & practice to pout properly' Which really made me laugh, I don't need to fake tan, I tan quickly in the sun & I have an overbite, so I look like I'm pouting even when I'm not lmao!! So who's the bully?? Yet again hypocritical!!!


Real Tan, No Need To Spray-tan


It's a lovely sunny day & I went for a 2hr run round the park, to try help get my old fitness & energy back. So I took my friend David's two Labrador's with me & I must be improving, as I actually tired them out today!! I popped into Wilkinson's afterwards to get their super cheap cleansing wipes & some Clearasil wipes, (The bloody menopause screws with your hormones & your skin) I have to sort it before filming, on Wednesday afternoon, in Milton Keynes. I got home around 2pm & it began to get overcast & I did a bit of gardening before it got too chilly. At 3pm I had lunch of a Jacket Potato, with cottage cheese & chives, a green salad & some fresh noodles, & read the paper, while watching the news. 


Cheryl Cole looked bloody awful on her 1st day on American Xfactor, the big bouffant hair I could almost forgive if it didn't make her look so much like a lollipop lady (huge head on a stick body) I could even forgive the 'in vogue' colour block, popping colours of coral, aqua & purple, but those purple trousers fit her terribly & were way too long, with the high platform shoes underneath (obviously to give her some height as she is short) So it looked like she'd either had her feet amputated, or she had grown hooves!


I did the washing up, plus put a wash in the machine & hoovered the flat, then I tried to call my aunt again, it rang & rang with no reply. I'm getting really worried about her! I went online on various job sites & applied for 30 jobs in Retail, though most are via recruitment agency's, you rarely hear back from those. I prefer to get through to company's directly, as they tend to call me in for an interview, with good results in general! 

I also applied for 6 auditions on StarNow, then I went in the back room, to sort through more stuff, to put on one side, to put on eBay. Then at 6.30pm I settled down to watch 'Home & Away' Then I fixed a kind of mixed platter for my tea, of 2 Rice Cakes, 3 wholemeal Krisprolls with Quark, 1 Rice Cake with Peanut Butter & two slices of Leedermer Cheese, spread with Peanut Butter & rolled, all washed down with a Diet Coke. I chatted for a bit on Twitter & Facebook, then I watched the brilliant 'Hotel Inspector' where the fabulous Alex Polizzi, had her work cut out, bringing David Maloney into the 21st Century.

Josie Gibson


Then I watched the NEW  'There's Something About Josie' A reality show, following the life of BB11 winner Josie Gibson. But much as I like the girl, I found the show a bore, which was a shame, maybe it will pick up. At 11pm I had a decaf coffee & a couple of squares of 80% Cocoa, Dark Chocolate by Asda (Just 30p for a big 100g bar) 

 The Made In Chelsea Cast
The Girls (Caggie Dunlop Centre)
The Guys (Spencer Left Of Centre)

I watched NEW show 'Made In Chelsea' a kind of posh TOWIE with brains (& a few token bimbo/himbo's) on E4+1, I know, I know one of the guys in it, called Spencer (above) from somewhere, but I can't place where? I know we have had a conversation together, hmmm maybe when I worked in Bond St, Knightsbridge or Kensington, or maybe in a Mayfair/Knightsbridge club, or perhaps at Polo?? His love interest Caggie Dunlop (above) is very pretty. Then at midnight, I watched the brilliant 'The Event' Then it was time for a bath & I finally went to bed at 1.30am (Calories consumed 1,911)


Tuesday 10th May,  I woke at 8am, to another lovely sunny day out so after I had a wash & did my make-up, I wore my khaki vest top & khaki, tiered, peasant skirt with sequins on & popped to the shop in my bronze flip flops. I bought the paper & some Diet Cokes, then I made a Golden Syrup Oat So Simple & had it with a coffee & 3 wholemeal Krisprolls, 2 spread with Quark & 1 with Peanut Butter. I went through my wardrobes some more, trying to find more stuff to eBay & added a few more items, the ones I couldn't decide whether to keep or not (In my mind if it's not a definite keep, or buy, it's a NO!)  

Then at 1.45pm I set off for my 2pm DHSS appointment, to find I have to go on one of those pointless New Deal courses. The one's I wrote about on one of my pages! Which are great for kids, who have either just left school, or unemployed & never had a job before in there life. But not for those of us that keep getting jobs, which then close down, due to high rents & the recession. I told him that I would not be able to do next Thursday, due to filming & he said that would be OK.


I got home & found I had a card in the mail, it was a Thank You card, from my Favourite Aunt, that I'd been trying to phone, thanking me for her Birthday Card & the funny Closer Magazine story pages, that I'd sent her. She said that she has been very ill with her cancer treatment & didn't think she would make it to her Birthday, on May 3rd. I can tell she's not good, as her handwriting that is normally clear, is hard to work out in parts. I tried calling my aunt & this time succeeded, and I said I was sorry to hear she was poorly & that I was filming, in Milton Keynes tomorrow (The 2nd Anniversary of mums death) & would she be up for a visit from me? 

Milton Keynes

She said she was sorry but she wasn't, and I could tell by her voice she wasn't good, not good at all, which is a worry! I said it was OK, I understood, she said the Cancer treatment was giving her the trots & it was taking it out of her, in more ways than one! Bloody Evil Cancer, it has taken 90% of my relatives on both sides.The day they find a cure will be a day to celebrate indeed!


I made a small jacket potato, with pineapple cottage cheese & a side salad, for lunch, washed down with a Decaf Diet Coke, then I read the paper. Kate McCann is all over the front page again, with the headlines 'I couldn't make love to Gerry' Really? That's funny as the policemen dealing with case, told a reliable source, she had no problem flirting heavily with them! Anyhow how will that info help find Maddie if she is still alive? (which I doubt!!) I really don't need to hear about her sex life, or lack of it, it's just more of her attention grabbing sensationalism! 


There are 100's of family's out there missing children, & the majority of those were not as Blase as the McCann's, as to leave their young children unattended & go out to dinner! Yet you don't see them parading their lack of sex drive, in the aftermath, to the papers, or touting their story round all the TV stations, year after year (What makes the McCanne's story the more newsworthy, than the other distraught parents, to the media??) Meanwhile poor Kelly Brook has lost her baby girl, by miscarriage at 5months.

Kelly Brook


Then there is the story of how a Twitter user, has blown the super-injunctions protecting the sleazy secrets of 5 celebs by revealing their 'Alleged' identities. I looked at the twitter page, when it was 1st posted & it confirmed all the ones I knew about, from a reliable source, 2 of which (Including Ryan Giggs being the footballer who slept with Imogen & the Actor who went with Rooney's Hooker) had also been confirmed to me by a 2nd reliable source too!!.... Though there was a 6th one on there, which was wrong, Re Jeremy Clarkson. It makes me laugh, all that money the 5 spent on Super-injunctions & someone just tells it all on Twitter & they won't be getting a refund from their lawyers!!


Some sick bastard in Gloucestershire abducted & raped a cat, Daisy the Tabby was dumped alive outside an animal shelter, she had a fractured skull, broken teeth, & a dislocated tail, tests revealed she had suffered sexual abuse. Poor little mite Daisy had gone missing from her home the day before being found at the shelter. What kind of sicko does that to an innocent cat??


I did a bunch of boring housework chores then watched 'Home & Away' then at 7.30pm I made dinner of a Quorn Burger with spicy potato wedges & 2 Krisprolls, washed down with a Diet Coke (decaf) I did the washing up & put a wash in the machine & took off the dry laundry from the radiators, as I watched 'Supersize V Superskinny' on the kitchen TV. 

 The Apprentice 2011

Then it was time for the 1st of this years 'The Apprentice' which was the 1st of a double bill this week, the 2nd being shown tomorrow! What a bunch of oddballs, especially the sleazy spiv looking one Vincent Disneur, who seems to be under the impression that, he is attractive & gods gift to women, YUCK!! (If he's Gods Gift, do you think God would mind if I took it back & exchanged it for something else??) 

 Hold On To Yor Knickers Girls!!
It's Apprentice Hunk, Vincent Disneur

Then I watched 'The Apprentice: Your Fired' followed by 'The Ricky Gervais Show' At 10.45pm I was relieved to get a message in my inbox form Adam/CatFunt saying 'its me cat. at ladywell unit. liver damage but still ok. quiting twiter medskool the lot. ignore that new RIP funt account not me. its a trick' adding 'sorry to put u thru everything but clearing my name and i genuinely went mad. at ladywell now until better, im so sorry for everything. under section and need help with liver. found by one of my best mates and taken to hosp. leaving twitter forever. too much to cope with. simple life from now on. sorry for upsetting you. hope the laughs i gave you make up for it!'  Well I will miss his sarcastic humour but at least he didn't end up dead, so then it was a night of 'CSI' while I tried to get my blogs up to date, before going to bed at 1am with a decaf coffee & a few squares of dark chocolate to help me sleep (Calories consumed 1,562)


Wed 11th May (2yr Anniversary Of Mum's Death)  I didn't fall asleep until after 4am & then woke when my alarm went off at 6am. I don't recall dreaming. I ran a bath & made myself a Golden Syrup Oat So Simple & mug of Green Tea, with lemon juice in it. I had my breakfast. I had my bath, using my South African '!ke' bath soak, that my friend got me & my matching body lotion after. Then I washed my hair & wrapped it in a hair towel turban. I did my make-up & dried my hair & changed into my jeggings, a white square necked, cheesecloth smock top with puffed 3/4 sleeves. My Oasis beige faux gilet, & my knee length black boots. I popped to the shop & got a the paper, a couple of Diet Cokes & a packet of crisps to take with me to Milton Keynes, then made myself a cheese ploughman's sandwich & put it in a freezer bag & then in a paper bag, in my tote, along with a foldaway umbrella, as it looked pretty overcast today, unlike the lovely weather of yesterday.


I set off at 8.40am & walked through town & down Hollywell Hill to the Abbey Station & got there at 9am, having 22mins to wait for the train. Despite me being in the waiting shelter, it was pretty chilly with the wind blowing in one end of the shelter & out the other. Rather like it did 2yrs ago in the QE2's A&E, due to an open door, when mum was laid up. She was complaining of being cold (I don't blame her, I was frozen in there myself due to that door & I wasn't ill) & she was in just her nightdress & a thin blanket, in the end I had to make them get her a heated blanket! (I can't believe it's 2yrs it feels like only yesterday, I recall every moment in agonising detail!) The train arrived & I paid the conductor £16.70 for my return ticket to Milton Keynes. (NOT the £45 the rip-off Silverlink train information guy tried to sell to me! See my page on Silverlink Trains Information) Then I settled down & read the paper.


Surprise surprise the McCann's are on the front page again!! This time sexualising her missing Maddie more than any padded Primark Bikini ever could. Saying the pretty peach (looks pink to me) top she was wearing, could be what lead to her kidnap (No you leaving her unattended to go for dinner is what lead to it.... if she was kidnapped!!.... anyway surely it would be snatched, not kidnapped, as kidnap would come with a ransom note!) She added "She looked lovely, I was following her with my eyes, I wonder now if someone else was doing the same!" That's almost like saying a pretty child is asking for it!


Osma Bin Laden's son Hamza 20 is believed to be on the run & may be plotting revenge for his dads death. He had been thought to have been eliminated in the Pakistan compound raid, but it turned out it was his brother Khalid 22. The train stopped at Watford, then I had to go from platform 11 to platform 6, to wait for the Cheshire train, stopping at Milton Keynes. So cold & with time to kill I got a warming cappuccino from a kiosk. Then I caught the Cheshire train which stopped off at Leyton Buzzard, where my sister & her husband Erdal live, but they are in their home in Cesme Turkey at the moment, no doubt for their Anniversary & Erdal's Birthday. 

I got a bus to the 2 Mile Ash part, of Milton Keynes, I was only one of two female passengers on the bus, the driver who was attractive & looked Middle Eastern, was flirting heavily & as I got off the bus, he said his shift finished in 1hr & pointed to a cafe, saying he would be in there having a coffee, and asked if I cared to join him in 1hr, I said 'Thanks but I'm going to be busy!'  He then asked me for my phone number, and I said 'I'm flattered, but my boyfriend wouldn't like it!'


I managed to get directions to the address, via a primary school & arrived at the house bang on time, at 11.30am and chatted to the people involved, as they were running late, which is the norm in this game. I filled out a release form & was told to invoice them for my expenses. There was an actor already there also to give a honest appraisal of the product. He was called David Lyddon, who it turned out was doing the same episode of Midsomer Murders as Ian & I, & also knows Jason Cooke, small world. He was also on Ray Knights books, which I have been trying to get on for years (Everyone wants to be on their books & there is only a few new places given out a year) David said he'd put a word in for me. 

He got called to do his bit & I chilled with one of my Diet Cokes, as no coffee's or any other refreshments seemed to be on offer. Eventually it was my turn and the Kertaine, was sprinkled into my hair (It's made from Keratin which hair & nails are made of) the granules cling to hair fibres & form kind of hair like filaments, like the bits in lengthening mascara. I was told you go a shade darker than your natural hair colour, so mine would normally be light brown. They were awaiting more bottles of it with the fixing solution, but it hadn't yet arrived, the fixing product makes it water resistant, for when it rains or you go swimming & so it stays in your hair until you wash it out.


The product is for people with fine or thinning hair (But not for bald as it needs hair to grip to) It's ideal for my baby fine hair, that is thinning around the scar areas where I have had 15 stitches, 5 stitches, 3 stitches & 2 stitches, due to accidents/car crashes over the years! Due to the delivery not turning up, they had no light brown. So they sprinkled in a mix of brown & blonde Kertaine, the difference was amazing, my hair looked really thick & full. 

I then had to talk to camera, about how I already had fine hair, but a bout of several illnesses, stress & upset over my Mums death etc made it worse, along with scared areas on my head. Then I said how impressed I was with the results of using Kertaine. The crew were really pleased with me & said I looked really good on camera & had a great smile and was a natural for infomercials. I was finished around 3pm & famished. I left the house & headed for the bus stop in the rain & was glad I'd brought my foldaway umbrella in my bag. I sat waiting for the bus at the bus stop shelter & ate my packed lunch, as my stomach was growling.


I got back to St Albans Abbey Station & walked up Hollywell Hill into Town & then walked for 45mins, down London Road to Mum & Dads grave. I stood there talking to them for a while & crying, before eventually making the 45min trip back, with a heavy heart. I don't think it will be long before we lose Auntie Babs (below) too, which is just awful, she really sounded bad on the phone yesterday, it just wasn't like her at all. 


I got in around 7pm shattered after a long day with only 2hrs sleep tops! Starving yet again, so I made some fresh egg noodles with tuna for dinner, washed down with a Diet Coke & a few squares of dark chocolate for dessert. I put away yesterdays laundry that had dried, then added David on Facebook & then checked Twitter & Facebook messages, plus my hotmail, where I had a few replies from the auditions I replied to (Sadly nothing from the retail management jobs applied for though)


At 9pm I settled down to watch the 2nd 'The Apprentice' of the week they had to design a new mobile phone App. Both teams came up with dire ideas (Are these REALLY Britain's great young business brains?) The boys was a stupid British Dialect's App which I felt had limited, to no appeal, outside the UK. The women's was just a load of annoying noises, with no rhyme nor reason. The fact that anyone downloaded their piles of cack means, that there are a lot of teens with money but no brains out there. The women's rubbish App somehow won. I watched 'The Apprentice: Your Fired' then did the washing up. Then I watched 'Desperate Housewives' on Ch4 +1 then at midnight I fell into bed shattered (Calories Consumed 1,964)

Thursday 12th May,  I woke at 9am, to another lovely sunny day like Tuesday. I had a wash & put my hair up in a topknot & put on my white Brodrais Anglais skirt, my light grey vest top with diamanté trim, slipped on my TrimSoles & popped to the shop to get a paper. I got back in & made Golden Syrup Oat So Simple, then sat out in the sun with a Diet Coke & read the paper. Yet again, the McCann's are on the front cover, with a letter to David Cameron MP, to open up the Maddie files. How much more publicity can they get & what New Evidence can be found now, that's not already been gathered??  There was also a bit about how Corries Betty Driver 90 is in hospital, suffering with pneumonia. Oh that's not good, at her age, she could die!


The actor who slept with Rooney's hooker & then took out a super-injunction has told his wife (Like Giggs has told his) I guess he had no choice, seeing that most, like me, already knew who he was, or learnt via twitter. If he didn't tell her, no doubt someone else would.


The Ugly Beige Philip Treacy hat, Princess Beatrice, wore to the Royal Wedding, is to be auctioned eBay for the UNICEF charity & Children In Crisis. Talking of ugly there's news that Bin Laden kept a hand written journal filled with planning, ideas & details of operations. It was seized in the raid that killed him, along with 5 computers & 100 flash memory drives. Meanwhile terror chiefs plan to adopt Bin Laden's 9 kids (To keep on brain washing them!) While training them to be jihad warriors & also care for his 3 widows (Yeah right like they care for women!!) No doubt by making sure the women have comfy fitting, suicide bomb jackets!


A Slag, Paedo, Woman Samantha Armstrong 21, had sex with 5 schoolboys, in full view of passing trains, (Outraged passengers called the police) 3 of the boys aged 15-16 were questioned by police but 2 fled. Dope-head Samantha approached them in the street & asked "Do you want to have sex with me?"  Which they did behind a building, by Abbey Wood railway, South London. Where she had sex with each of them. The shameless slag giggled in court as she was charged with outraging public decency (how about being charged with paedophilia for those she slept with under 16??) 

I did a bit of weeding in the garden & then headed indoors to make lunch, I had some tuna with noodles & some celery sticks with some houmous. While watching 'The Real Housewives Of Orange County' then I took my laptop out to the sunny courtyard & sat doing job searches & job applications, while enjoying the sun, until 6.30pm then I went in to watch 'Home & Away' Then fixed some spicy potato wedges & melted some Leedamer cheese on top. 


At 7.50pm I set off round Jennies, getting there at 8pm. She asked if I got my invite to Edgar's Birthday drinks, in The Farriers Arms next Saturday? I said I had (I have the 'Hidden Potential' auditions that Saturday, but that's in the morning) She said she'd seen *Jeff and he'd been asking after me (I met him at Edgar's Birthday last year) & he'd be there next Saturday. Well that will be interesting last time I saw him it was just after my Birthday. We watched 'Peter Andre: The Next Chapter' 'Katie' & 'Celebrity Juice' (It was a sophisticated TV evening lol) Then I set off home around midnight when Edgar got back from the darts, happy as his team had won. I got home & crashed straight out in bed (Calories consumed 1,707)

Friday 13th May (Unlucky For Some??)  I woke at 8am to a lovely warm day, I don't recall any dreams. I had a wash, did my hair & make-up, wore a white linen skirt & electric blue halter-neck top, plus my electric blue thong sandals. I made myself a plain Oat So Simple for breakfast, then I headed off for my 10.30am doctors appointment. He said my white & red blood cells, showed they were gradually increasing, from last weeks blood test results. Which is good news. I told him that the pain killers, that he gave me, were not strong enough, I was still suffering pain. So he gave me a three times bigger dosage, & said to take 1 three times a day building up to 3 three times a day & said to book in to see him in around 4 weeks.


I then went into the Malting's & got a set of passport photos done & took them to the DHSS to get my New Deal, reduced travel, pass which lasts until Mid August, ready for when I start the course on Monday. I went home, buying a newspaper on the way, and got a Diet Coke out of the fridge, and put a garden chair out in my courtyard & read the paper & front cover is!!.......... David Cameron 'I've reopened Maddie files' .... FFS what the McCann's want, the McCann's get..... mainly publicity!! Also news Bin Laden, was shot in his underpants (Thanks for putting that unattractive image in my head!) Meanwhile his diary's revealed he was planning a LA atrocity to eclipse 9/11, with attacks on aircraft & trains, not any huge surprises there.


A world famous celeb is being sued for £12Million, for knowingly giving a sexual partner herpes. He even taped the drug-fuelled, unprotected, romp, in his Las Vegas Penthouse, after insisting he had no STD's nor injected drugs. Legal papers filed in LA, do not name the star, but he is said to be worth over £60Million.



At 2pm I put some salted popcorn in the microwave & brought my laptop out into the sunny courtyard & I did a load of job/audition  searches/applications, while munching on the popcorn & knocking back another decaf Diet Coke. I was doing that when I got a call from 'Odd One In' The girl said they had some bad news. The British Arm Wrestling Champion' (Who I & the two other guys were going to pretend to be) has pulled out, so there's no line up!!! Oh bloody hell, the curse of Friday the 13th!!  Great that stupid bitch pulling out has just cost me £100, that I really needed!! The girl said they were going to do their best to find me another day, as I was one of their favourites & she would email me with some new dates & things to pretend to be, when she knew any dates or themes!

 Pam Anne
Ian downloaded videos from when we saw Pam Anne at The 3 Brewers. When I was her backing dancer & I motor-boated her, on his Facebook, which made me laugh. But what I'm really waiting for is the video of me singing 'Hey Big Spender' on Dave Lynn's stage at The 3 Brewers. Then I can then upload it on StarNow. 

I got the email through, from the girl at 'Odd One In' she wants to know if I am available on Monday 23rd, Wed 25th or Thursday 26th? I can't do Thursday, as I'm Doing Midsomer Murders, the JML Gym Equipment guy, sadly never got back to me (I really wanted to try that out, it looked good!) So I guess I am not doing the infomercial for it on Wednesday!! So I could do Wednesday, Monday I'm meant to start the New Deal Course, but I could do that & postpone the course a week or two! So I emailed her back saying, I can't do the 26th, but I can do the 25th & possibly the 23rd, thanks hun x.


I went indoors at 6.30pm & watched 'Home & Away' then I did the washing up & mopped the kitchen & bathroom floor. I put some potato wedges in the oven, and sprinkled them with spices. Watched EastEnders, I took the wedges out of the oven & had them with a side salad. I had some Total yoghurt with some fresh mandarin segments for dessert. 


I kept getting Messages, on StarNow from a Bollywood film crew asking if me if I could be an extra for their film? as they urgently needed people! They've told the location in Essex, the time of day, the pay & to bring winter clothes & a suitcase, but NOT what day/date & when I asked them, they just sent me the same info, that I had before & still no day & date!! I watched 'The Million Pound Drop' then the Brilliant Lady Gaga on 'The Graham Norton Show' where she was rather funny, then I watched 'Ricky Gervais' finally retiring to bed with a decaf coffee (Calories consumed 1,500)


Saturday 14th May (Eurovision)  I woke at 9am, I know I dreamt & it was about an ex Angelo, but that's all I recall, washed & washed my hair, did my make-up, dried my hair, wore my jeggings with knee high black boots & my electric blue Jane Norman, jersey blouse, then popped to the shop for my newspaper, cutting out the Lego voucher for Xavier later. I made a breakfast of plain Oat So Simple, with a coffee. I checked the online messages, finally I got the day of shoot, from the Bollywood people. But alas it is 2pm today, into the wee hrs & I have plans with Candie & Nat for Eurovision. 

My Jane Norman Blouse

I put my dry laundry away & packed my bag with things for my overnight stay at Candies. Then I pottered round the house doing some chores & then at 1pm I had a cheese roll, with some Branston Mini Cheddars & a Diet Coke for lunch. Then at 1.45pm I set off for the 84 bus & put my laptop in my bag, along with the newspaper. I caught the 2.15pm bus to Barnet, which only cost £1.90 with my pass. Result!!


I read my paper, once I was settled on the bus & for once the front page wasn't the bloody McCann's, it was about the poor British woman, which that maniac decapitated, in Tenerife. He then ran through the streets, showing off her severed head saying "I am the prophet of God & this is my Treasure" He was released from a mental hospital, only 3 months ago. The victim a 60yr old shop worker was chosen at random. He chopped at the poor woman 14 times, before her head came off!! Makes you shudder!!!


Also on the front page is the fact that XXX porn video's were found in Bin Laden's Pakistan compound. Making him a hypocrite like all Terrorist Chiefs, if he watched them. Meanwhile his henchmen killed 80 in Pakistan, via 2 suicide bombers, to avenge Bin Laden's death. The porn films may contain hidden/encrypted information. As a video-editing kit was also found in the lair. His mistress Kola Boof (Is that a real name?) said he was obsessed with Whitney Houston & porn that stared women that looked like her! It emerged he planned attacks on Big Ben, The Eiffel Tower, NY & LA. Journals detailed his dream to create a body count of thousands, by targeting trains & planes on significant dates, such as 9/11.


There was also pictures of Cheryl Cole, in a white dress, with bloody awful, over sized, gold pears, at the waist, while at the Cannes film festival. When will that girl get a bloody decent stylist?? Eventually I got to Barnet Church around 3pm & Candie & the kids picked me up shortly after. Candie said that I looked like I'd lost weight, I laughed & said 'I wish, I have put it on not lost it!!' We got back to Candies & she made us a coffee, again she turned to me & said 'Are you sure you have gained weight? You look very slim, your tummy is very flat & there are no bulges!' I replied 'Thanks, I'm  definitely bigger, although my tummy is the last place I gain weigh, must just be what I'm wearing making me look slimmer than I am!'  We chatted for a bit & she asked If I'd seen the pictures in the paper, of Cheryl Cole's, white dress in Cannes? I said 'Yes bloody Awful'  She replied 'She needs a stylist, the dress is nice enough, except for those bloody awful gold pear things, at the waist, which are too big & heavy for it' I laughed & said 'That's exactly what I thought!' Shortly after that, the boys baby sitter turned up & Candie & I drove to Nat & Terry's. Stopping off for a bottle of Martini en route. 


We were greeted by the boys, Nat was looking even slimmer if possible, and as always they put on an impressive spread, with vegetable kebabs, potato wedges, an array of home made dips, Crisps, Doritos's, pretzels, pringles, olives, salad & cheeses etc. Candie & I had some Martini's & lemonade's, but Candie only had two weak ones, as she was driving. 


Then at 8pm all eyes were on the TV on BBC1 & Eurovision. The country's performed in the order below (Also listed are the titles, languages sung in & where they came) This Year, was the 1st year, that I didn't like the entry's from Greece, Turkey & Cyprus & it was the 1st time in ages Turkey & Cyprus never made it past the semi's! I Actually like Jedwards, Lipstick entry, I also liked Sweden's, Popular. Denmark's New Tomorrow, Hungary's What About My Dreams & even Moldavia's wacky song with Gnome like outfits.

 1, Finland - Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam - (Sung in English) - Came 21st with 57 points


 2, Bosnia & Herzegovina - Dino Merlin - Love In Rewind - (Sung in English & Bosnian) Came 6th with 125 points

 3, Denmark - A Friend In London - New Tomorrow - (Sung in English) - Came 5th with 134 points


 4, Lithuania - Evelina Sasenko - It's My Life - (Sung in English) - Came 19th with 63 points

 5, Hungary - Kati Wolf - What About My Dreams? - (Sung in English & Hungarian) - Came 7th with 72 points

 6, Ireland - Jedward - Lipstick - (Sung in English) - Came 8th with 119 points


 7, Sweden - Eric Saade - Popular - (Sung in English) - Came 3rd with 185 points


 8, Estonia - Getter Jaani - Rockefella Street - (Sung in English) - Came 24th with 44 points


 9, Greece - Loukas G & Sterio Mike - Watch My Dance - (Sung in English) - Came 7th with 120 points


10, Russia - Alexey Vorobyov - Get You - (Sung in Russian & English) - Came 16th with 77 points


11, France - Amaury Vassili - Dream - (Sung in Corsican) - Came 15th with 82 points


12, Italy - Raphael Gualazzi - Madness Of Love - (Sung in English & Italian) - came 2nd with 189 points


13, Swizerland - Anna Rossinelli - In Love For A While - (Sung in English) - Came 25th with 19 points


14, United Kingdom - Blue - I Can - (Sung in English) - Came 11th with 100 points


15, Moldova - Zdob si Zdub - So Lucky - (Sung in English) - Came 12th with 97 points


16, Germany - Lena - Taken By a Stranger - (Sung in English) - Came 10th with 107 points


17, Romania - Hotel FM - Change - (Sung in English) - Came 17th with 77 points


18, Austria - Nadine Beiler - The Secret Is Love - (Sung in English) - Came 18th with 64 points

19, Azerbaijan - Ell & Nikki - Running Scared - (Sung in English) - Came 1st with 221 points


20, Slovenia - Maja Keuc - No One - (Sung in Engliah) - Came 13th with 96 points

21, Iceland - Sjonni's Friends - Coming Home - (Sung in English) - Came 20th with 61 points


22, Spain - Lucia Perez - They Can't Take Away The Fun From Me - (sung in Spanish) Came 23rd with 50 points

23, Ukraine - Mika Newton - Angel - (Sung in English) - Came 4th with 159 points


24, Serbia - Nina - Magical - (Sung in Serbian) - Came 14th with 85 points


25, Georgia - Eldrine - One More Day - (Sung in English) - Came 9th with 110 points


Denmark were very funny, when some country (Sweden I think) gave them 12 points, the singer looked into the camera (& I'm guessing somewhat pissed) yelled 'I Wanna Fuck You!!!' We all cracked up, Graham Norton never commented on it, so I don't know if he missed it, or just hoped we had? The winning song wasn't bad, but it wasn't the best but Jedward did well coming 6th & Blue coming 11th made a change from us coming last (Though I bet being beaten by Jedward smarts!!) Candie & I left The boys around midnight & went back to hers & I watched the repeat of 'Britain's Got Talent' that we missed tonight on ITV2 before crashing out in the spare room (Calories consumed approx 2,167)


Sunday 15th May I got up around 9ish, and had a coffee with Candie & the kids, while Costa popped to the Greek Cafe for the traditional Constantino Sunday breakfast. Which is a Haloumi salad roll for Candie & I something more meaty for Costa. Costa went off to play tennis & Candie, the kids & I went for a walk into town to get today's NOTW free Lego gift from WH Smiths, but then Xavier decided to play up/show off, so that was cut short, until Xavier had apologised. 

Once he did, we went to Aldenham Country Park, Borehamwood, to do the 'Poo Bear Walk' & also see the animals in the petting zoo. I'm glad I brought my denim jacket with me Saturday, as the weather is much colder & threatening to rain, much as he'd not like to admit it, Xavier quite enjoyed the trip out. The kids had something to eat, Candie had a cheese & Onion Pasty & I tried the new Magnum ice cream.  


We left there around 3pm & Candie dropped me at Elstree Borehamwood train station & I got a £2 train home. Bought a NOTW paper from the local shop. Today is Erdal's Birthday & his Wedding Anniversary, with my sister, so I left him a message on his Facebook wall, for them both, I'm sure they are having better weather in Turkey than we are today! Hopefully they will get their cards from me when they are back (I didn't know they were off to Turkey until I saw it on Erdal's Facebook wall that they were there.

 Cesme Harbour & Castle
 Julie & Erdal's Wedding Cesme Harbour


I read the NOTW paper, the front page says Dannii Minogue is out of Xfactor, which is a shame as she was the most honest & hands on judge! She said Xfactor bosses gave her no choice, as they'd set dates for filming, that she couldn't make, due to her commitments on Austria's Xfactor. I made myself a tea of 6 celery sticks filled with chive cottage cheese & some salted microwave popcorn. Then I checked my Hotmail, Twitter & Facebook messages.


I did a bit of blogging then put a load of laundry in the machine & watched 'Come Dine With Me' followed by 'The Hotel' boy are those staff inept! What a depressing place to work, that manager really doesn't do anything to make it an enjoyable work experience for the staff, or himself. I spent the rest of the evening doing household chores & catching up with unread magazines. Finally going to bed with a decaf coffee at midnight (Calories consumed 1,482)