SISTA BIG BONES

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NEVER EVER GETTING WEAVE IN MY LIFE

HIYAAA AMIGASZZZ!!!!!

Basicallly for ages now, i havent an inch of weave in my hair as ive been going for the 'oh, lets be all 90s and poetic justice inspired' and shit.
...and then I REALISED all the black chicks in my college have weave and they look like a amazeballs like a sllllying cheaper looking versions of beyonce and I WANTED THAT TO BE ...urmmm me.
soo yesterday my classmate said she'll do my hair for me.
as she was weaving the huuuuurrrrr and prtty much ALMOST done she realised it wasnt 'human hair' but 'synthetic'. CAN YOU IMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGINE?
and apparently, if i straightened it, it will fizzzle to dust or something.
NOT to make matters worse, the hair currently on my head is soooo curly like im fucking latina or something.
and IT ACTUALLY LOOOOKS LIKE HAVE A LACE WIG ON MY HEAD.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
I WANT TO CRY.
WHY DIDNT I LISTEN TO EVERYONE WHEN THEY SAID I SHOULD GET WEAVE??
I DON'T LIKE IT. at alll .. at all.
soooo im currently wearing my beret hat to cover the embarrasssment.

smh.
i NEEEED to sort myself.
soooooo emosh right now.

I LOVE HAVING A VAGINA.

REASONS FOR THUS:



• I get these totally amazing blocks of period every 28 days which make me feel hormonal and make me wanna dresss in *jay-z voice*.....ALL BLACK EVERYTHANG.
• Occasional if i feel to wear a skirt just ABOUT covering my vag, i get free drinks. GO ME!!!
• POLISH BUILDERS ALWAYS MAKING DISTORTED NOISES AT ME.
• If someone kicks me in the muffin, i wont cry like a boy. RIGHT? like, seriously boys...when i kick your groin..why DO YOU GET SOOOOOOO EMOTIONAL? like chill-the-fuck-out. soo what if your dick might fall off and shit?? SHET MEYN.

MAFIASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.WAAAA GWARNN

I just saw this on sam's facebook. IM JIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZING rightnow. this is like omg, total amazing.
its like the jersey shore/desperate housives of the mafia world.
MY DREAM!!!
incase you guys didnt know, i wanted to be a criminal lawyer for the maafias
then i realised that mayyyybe, its just not right for my little heltered shelf.
*sighs*

oh happy birthday............baby jesus

but i want this puppy *cries*



life is a par when your just a.......link.

Definition of linking: seeing someone but your not officially their partner.

WHAAAAAA? im sorry but ive always found that 'word' a 'parrage' like...'hey, areen't good enough to be your girlfriend..but good enough to bang...yeah?'


also girls are always the first to go 'are we like boyfriend/girlfriend now?' *in a essex voice preferably* hahahahahhaha NO WE ARE NOT. we are just shag buds.


well,also i need rules. on how many dates do you have to go with your 'link for it to before official. 3 or 25???? HELP!!!!!!


Another word of advice...ALWAYS USE A CONDOM WITH YOUR LINK...
like c'mon...his allowed to cheat because technically your not 'really' his....ermm girlfriend soo yeah.
you dont want aids and all that malarky


and ohhh yeah, someone just told me you can get herpes of the mouth. sjkdfkdkglksjdlksgjksdfjkjkddggggjkgjkjgkjfkj. thats just emotional




but yes......back to the initial point. being a link is just long and if its for you go for it but me personally. meh, i'd rather just wait for an ACTUAL BOYFRIEND..you know someone like that ash stymest fella.. preferably. just sayin.

10 REASONS WHY JODIE MARSH IS A G

1. She has a lovely nose

2.Great silicons.

3.I just watched her on come dine with me. SHE CAN COOK!

4.Her hair is ever changing(great weave)

5.She has great vocabulary.

6. She was my ultimate big brother housemate......

7. She IS a vegetarian! vegetarians are nice.

8. Inspirational

9. She's kinda funny

10. and in general. i just liked her, you know..i just like her.

#LOLjk

*jumps off the bridge*

CAN I HAVE AN AMEN?? AMINNNN

..in my opinion are sooo weird... like fuckkkk. yes. im a christian and stuff..even though i dont preach in ya'll faces and i do have a fair bit to drink butSOMEBODY HELP ME...im going to be in texas till august..and TILL AUGUST.

Every SINGLE sunday.. i have to go with my super dupey religious aunt and her family to this stereotypical black church. which askes me if im a born again christian..and if im not?? then all is doomed for me...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? really *faints immediately* but seriously these churches are surreal..even the kids around my age are just COOOOKYYYYY CRAZYYYYYY *PAUSE* anyhooo..somebody give me strength.. i only have a few 8 weeks to go before i get back to the peripherals of my beautiful london.

PARTYYY IN MY TUMMIE!

the award for the most cringiest person goes to.....

... MR SCHU.

in case you havent been following the thought-provoking tv show GLEE, you wouldnt know the show features their tecaher.. mr...ermm schuester and the show is about the KIDS WHO LIKE SINGING and stuff but for some reason this man thinks its acceptable for him to rap, spit countless of times, which has evidently cause me to poke my eye out, you know i have one eye and i want that pirate eye patch-euy thing..all because of this rasssclart man!

419 MASTERS

babahahaajajajajashhahajhfjshjdhjuhjfdhgdfg *faints* this is the funniest site ever because its TRUE...!
http://www.419eater.com/

so bad people walked out of church

I love life ,and im so glad im not this guy!

xx Byron

LET THE WAR BEGIN: PCS VS MACS!

DONT PISSS MAN OFF!
im a PC FOR LYFE(well until i save up enough for a mac).brlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!

The Sub Club:What is Chardie?

Hey this is the first article of The Sub Club, where we basically analyse two sets of subcultures for you lovely people and socially comment on them, go on my son join in!

This week Yardies VS Chavs

Yardies are so disgusting

Chavs are truly repugnant beings.

These subcultures is dangerous to young men and women and needs to STOP .The world is not picking on you and people are not being RACIALISTS,RICH BITCH,TOFF or whatever the fuck the new term is that you use for people who don't look or smell like corned beef.

Like really vile creatures from the invisible world of stereotypes.When i speak of these people i don't mean of the attractive ordinary Jamaicans JUST MAKING IT CLEAR FOR YOU PC NAZIS,

they are the ethnic minorities equivalent to *coughs* CHAVS or maybe they are one in the same me thinks?

definitely true ,as both subcultures have the same goals in life and rituals to make them feel less marginalised in society by the upper classes.

I'm talking about those dirt bag, fake converse,fake "gucci/pucci" handbag wearing.hollaring at people in Brixton in give you the last Fried dumpling or chip,whilst your clearly leaving your self open to getting diabetes type A as the rolls on your bung belly wine to the sounds of VYBZ KARTEL or the new BASS HUNTER album.

Yes i'm talking about you with your bleached face enhanced with too-light foundation yet you don't "really" like white people OHHHH the irony.Lets not forget your TANOREXIC counterparts, orange is a colour that only looks nice on fruit. listen "BABE" your clearly not golden sunset for i can see your tide marks as clear as day and the fact that your TATAAS are fake.

Dear Ms chav girl/lucy/jadey babes/Glamour model,

the way you slaughter the english tongue with incorrect phonetics really gets me hard , i just love that you say "BABE or HUN" instead of using the fucking name that my parents under god gave me . I love how you remind me that your "not racist but east anglia is abroad and not part of the British isles so maybe all the Asian people should live there instead of Crawley".Clearly your geographic skills are on point.Why waste time doing your

GCSE's your "gonna ave Tyrones baby,and your sorted cos he works at costcutters init?"Perhaps you should be given a medal ,because as we know, only you know how to truly rape primark and the discounted rails at topshop, lets not forget how "lush" your pauls boutique bag is.You do know that people going home on the night bus love to hear your numerous stories about your mate Tracy and "how she's such a slag right cos she swallows but really your well jealous of her being on TheJeremykyleshow".Using sunbeds is soo much better for a tan, who gives a shit about skin cancer ,right?. you look good now,right? Maybe its how good it was that you fucked Ashley Cole but you were "well gutted that he didn't let you call him MR.T as he bummed you"

good luck with you GNVQ in hair and make up.

sorry Beautician degree

please stop reproducing,

love "posh bitch" Byron

Lace front wig wearing *Note to yardie woman: your not fooling anyone we know the hair really isn't yours* (not helping the 3rd world,seeing as its little Indian kids that have to stay up at night and make your hair piece instead of you know.HAVING A CHILDHOOD)

*vomits* your bleach blonde hair extensions are polluting the gap in your skull whose previous tenant was your brain