Soo is your face!

A Story.

Today is my birthday...well not really today as its WAYY past 12 o'clock...Anyways Im 19 now!

Basically my sister bought me pizza as a birthday present (cheap or what!!)...im pretty sure if i turn my head to the right i'll see the box...i wasnt gonna do it but I am now..

*turns head*

Yea, there it is.

Anyways I had like quite a few slices and I was bloated and then I went to the fridge and there was only orange juice. And to be honest orange juice is nice and all but it only does one thing.

If your one of those people I suggest you stop reading now...

Still here ok kool.

After about 10 minutes the orange juice had done what it came to do so I ran up stairs pulled down a pair tracksuit bottoms (notice I said a pair, yh, I have no idea whatsoever who belong to...they were clean and so ukno..)

And...I actually wee'd through my bum. LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Goodnight : )

PS. Thats not my poo by the way...I lay tissue so I dnt get 'upsplash' this is a google find. And Its way to solid to be what fell out of me...

GAS'D ..aint this cute?

Alrite soo Gas'd is some clothing line thats been ariound for quite a while but they've only just caught me eye.which i deeply sorry for but i love they're shirts and the reason i sparially of the us eof abstract shapes ans primary or neutral colours within their garms but also they're shirts are ORGANIC.yup greeeeeeeeeeeeennn..meaning you dont feel guilty and it kinda makes you feel like your doing good for this CARBON FILLED EURGHH GASSY WORLD!

Check em out buy a shirt or two....alritey. GO ON THEN!
http://gas-d.com

LOCATION:WITHIN from GAS'D on Vimeo.

Lil Kim Collagen Lips

Last time we featured rapper Lil Kim, it was regarding her massive breast implants surgery.

Now we have the little miss bad girl with yet another cosmetic procedure, collagen lip injections, and boy did she go big on this one, more plump than something really plumply.

Trout pout is truly the new procedure of choice for many celebrities. And i ask, why?

In the Woods!

The thing is with guys you actually dont have to treat them like some next species even though they act like one.But i just find it jokes when some girls cant even communicate on just talk to a boy on a level without fancying them(sometimes going to a all girls school plays a part).I actually rather peng male friends and i dont fancy em..or wanna shag em.Hmmm but also certain girls are like "i get along better with guys,I mainly have guy friends" well thats ok.well kudos for you as long you dont fall for the trap for being they're fuck buddy or lets just say "friends with benefits" *cringe* but from experience guys would prefer you(girls) to just be yourself...in the words of alexis "Be the person you wnat to attract".ahh * turns to tv & watches t4* ohh snaps..now ive forgotton were i was....*thinks* but yehh mmm be opened to people to guys/girls/ure friends.Also when i say opened..i mean dont judge,not being antisocial. i dont mean-the-slutty-type-im-soo-cool.It might be RAD being know as the slutty friend for now but u can blatently tell everyone will PARR you off(secretly)..even the person you might off liked aswell.

Ps: Forgive me for using the word RAD..but watching wayy too much hanna montana shows lately.

A premiere about Cycling??? and more

LONDON TO PARIS from Amazing Grace on Vimeo.
Ill shall be looking forward to seeing you there..say hello aswell when you see me..but obviously bring me cupcakes aswell b4 you do! ;)

Kylie Minogue Botox

Feast your eyes on the talented Australian pop singer, songwriter, and actress Kylie Minogue.

Kylie has indeed admitted to using Botox injections, in an effort to slow the aging process and keep her face wrinkle free.

Judging from these pictures, was this a good idea for Ms. Minogue? Or just another botched celebrity cosmetic procedure?

Alrite Guv'nor

MASKS.MASKS.RABBITS.ALICE IN WONDERLAND. LUCID.MASKS.IDENTITY.ILLUSIONS.PERSONA.MASKS.

RABBITS.HEIGHTS.TREES.LOWS.

HIGHS.RABITTS.SUNSHINE.BOOKS.ALICE IN WONDERLAND.TIME.CHILDHOOD.BLISS.HAPPINESS.DREAMS.FREEDOM.MASKS.

Wanking improves your health #fact

This is not a joke. This is a genuine weight loss exercise thats beeen invented.ok i wont lie its just loooks hilarioous and its obviously a very WANKING based exercise created by men to fulfilled they're.....ermmm needs.Kudos to the researchers and makers of this products.Its rather jokes :)

Smart Cars are tooo GULLY!

I present to you a yellow smart car and this was the first thoughts that came to most people when i showed them this picture.

"That is the gayest car ive ever seen"

"Ohh christ does it have atape deck aswell"

"Its actually quite environmentally friendly"

"Is it cheap though?"

"Oh shit; it looks like a paedo's car"

"ohh yellow car" folowed by a punch to my arm

To get more amaizng cars like this ..i reckon you should on they're site.Also im sure driving a smart car is a quick route to ure grave but its quite trendy..well if ure a teletubby.

www.smart.com/

Glen Campbell Nose Job

Some have said that legendary country pop singer and Grammy award winning artist, Glen Campbell has fiddled in the plastic surgery game, by way of a nose job.

His now does appear to be much more defined and bold.

Check the before and after photo, nose job or bad lighting?

Paper & Glue

All i know is some guy called Ruben Martinho takes lovely photos but his illustrations are actually too nice.i kinda wanna poke my eye out.. just a teeny bit though.

Check out his stuffage

LOL'in

Just thought this was really funny and thought I'd share it with you. :)

DAY IN THE LIFE OF/ WITH STEEZY!

Alrite guys this is HENRY but call me Steezy innit!! Funmi, my girl was like "HENRY U GOTTA DO SUMFIN 4 WANG?!" i was like "skeeen" but im just give u lot a taster of my life..well NOT much tho!

Soo this is my school innit.ITS IGHT I GUESS.its like most SKOOLS ..its just that MY PAREEEENTS PAY.and ohh the building is SHIT.SOO DONT WATCH THE BUILDINGGG!!!

THIS IS ARE MY brethrens James and olly..I ALWAYS CALL DEM The battyman HAHAH cuz they DONT like THE SKEPTA AND GIGGS..and true say they dont have fresh garms but they safe tho,they always have my back in geography class.
but everytime i come back to me yard from the BOARDING SKOOOL ..I always jam with my homie
Jermain aka J from lyton estate.BRAP.(Big up)

Last night was bareee JOKES I CAUGHT UP With one of my link Chantell from elephant & castle.SHE'S sum Peng BLACK Chick from Stockwell park school.I like em sooome booty but she dont know i go PRIVTE SKOOOL THO.CUZ I'll lose CRED from the mandemzz innit.

Well aparently funmi was like i shud do more post of this wang thin and i was like "SKEEEEN" sooo ill spk soon.I GoTTTA go and help my mum make some *coughs* Caviar.

Just love yourself? ok

(Photo courtesy of teenwitchart )

Get wet like a Sauna

bashing the bishop,wax the weasel,choke the sheriff, wanking,jerking off,pulling ones todger,playing with ones joy stick,wacking out a few, making milk ETC

apart from all the myths about Masturbation, going blind...seeing jesus...growing hair on your palms. There is nothing worng with experimenting with your body and knowing what you like also if megan good is on telly with her extremely pert plums why not wack out a few? its not like jesus is gonna disown you ,after all he never had a wife or lady friend (apart from mary Magdalene ,but hey lets not get into conspiracy theories here)

if you don't have a girl friend or boyfriend and ARE NOT having promiscuous sex and you are not touching yourself , i really don't know what to say to you, you might as well just slit your wrists now and swallow that bottle of mr muscle.

what's wrong with you?

is it Fear; do you think your peers will judge you? NO they are probably wanking three shades of pink into there willy as you sit and deliberate about how "dirty it makes you feel"

are you scared that jesus would look down on you ? well then you are a fool because if he's in heaven like the story says, then he will always be looking down on you! FACT

when you get into these situtations its like WWJD? well I'll tell you what he would do.

he would be jerking off so hard that your four walls will be painted with cum

you don't want to hurt yourself; don't worry the only way you could possible ruin any of your chances in having your own spawn of flies, is if you attack yourself with a machete or get head from a fire breather. OUCH i remember David *nostalgia* just start of with a lubricant (do not use Vaseline if you know that what you cream yourself with,water based is the best) and the rest will follow, remember your body needs to release all this tension.whatever you do, DO NOT USE THIS

the theory: if more people wanked there would be less mental wankers in the world .FACT!

P.S your mum already knows ,stop leaving your used tissues under the bed, its simple just WASH YOUR HANDS

W.A.N.G

P.P.S you might need music and this has the "sex beat"

let me blow, i will not let you blow!

they make me so happy that i want to stop abusing best friends penis,

MUPPET SHOW you have made me into a humanitarian.

WE love to see that you can still make kindagarden humour relevant to our synical adult lives.

WOOP

The Sub Club:What is Chardie? :Part 2

note to Chav girl: the whole wolverine/skunk look was soo 2004 along with belly button rings.

shall i speak about your Long claws (how the hell do you wipe your arse only the Godsknow ?) if there was a "WICKED WITCH" competition i'm sure you would be in for 1st prize.Then of course them bush leaves hanging from your eyelashes... yes you. fake ed hardy wearing H.O.M.O.P.H.O.B.E. after its a "batty man/poofta" that puts in your hair extensions. GOOD LORD

why don't you just go and pose for a cheap rave flyer that miss uses bashment song lyrics for Titles and PISS RIGHT OFF!!

I will just touch on your male versions.Everyone at BURBERRY KNOWS YOUR HAT IS FAKE, chav boy come on. You are ruining it for everyone else, i don't have to make a bong out of a 3 month old white-ace bottle. when i want to smoke weed i just buy a REAL bong from the SHOP duchebag. I hear you can get one for the same price as a "big tasty" at Mc Donalds.Only you can insult an immigrant for being a leach on your country whenTHEY HAVE A JOB that pays tax and YOUR ON THE DOLE robbing old ladies and happy slapping people's children.

DON'T EVER GET RUDE and call my mate a bender when you dont even know what fucking bath salts look like.

i know it looks bad but really she is gonna bang doe

Dear Mr.Yardie man/Big T/Shanker D/Elgin lumpkin III,

i just wanted you to know that every time you chirps me it makes my day,even though i'm going somewhere probably much more important and i'm clearly in a hurry, just the thought of your "ganja breath" makes my belly fizzy with red stripe :).When you call me "gyal or hot ting bumbaclart" its SOO A-MAZING clearly you are unique in your approach to courting the opposite sex. Like i think you have so much "SWAGGER" its unbelievable

, such a shame you still live at your mothers "YARD". ED Hardy was definitely made with you in mind,the diamanté overload is TRES CHIC and soo NOT totally and completely gay, but its good you feel that not-shaving-your-armpits emasculates that tank top.

Your soo romantic, when you drag me by my thighs, away from my friends to dagger me even though i'm blatantly NOT INTERESTED in you.Your not my man. i don't have a number for your broke arse. Please excuse me whilst i repress the memory of our little "dance" ,when i get home i'll definitely be washing my mouth out with industrial strength bleach. So The white man/government dogs is oppressing you and yet you are shagging three shades of pink into his white wife Cathy? Interesting theory clearly you know how to *right the wrongs* in our society. Whats that you say? "real badman never.ever suck pussy?" is that right? is that why your breath smells like lady juice?

i hope your album sales increase or how else are you going to purchase the new lyle and scott jumper/cardigan/shit garms,

please stop trying to sell me drugs outside madame jojo's

all my love,

"dutty gyal" Byron

They dont make it easy for themeselves, i mean prove us POSHTWATOPPRESSORSwrong, start with getting a job maybe?....stop reading the SUN...?stop blaming people that don't speak english for all the social problems that you have going on in your own life...?me thinks take some responsibility for yourself..? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK

To be fair both subcultures are just as needless to society as swine flu is to pigs, however i think i have found there purpose in life, they are here to TEST us, TEST our humanity,TEST our patience and are simply just stimuli created by certain parts of our fucked up society that needs a scape goat or just someone for us to all point the finger and go "hey-i-might-be-part-of-the-proloteriat-but-at-least-im-not-the-undercalss-at-least-im-not-on-benefits--at-least-im-not-a-CHAV!"

Maybe looking at them forces us to hold up a mirror to the society we live in and see that it cant be called Great Britain if we still have poverty and poverty stricken subcultures stabbing everyone ,having affairs with our desperate housewives,selling us all the Coke and Weed you could shove a Hundred pound note at. Maybe one day , just one day they will get a job as my gardener or maybe a dustbin man , probably Transport Police taking out there frustrations on your teenage daughter just because she is using a child travel card today instead of her 16+?

yet we don't want them mixing with our "perfect little princesses" or at our gates asking for help? because if they ever dared we would "call the police" then lock them up with all the other delinquents that don't fit in.

Just a thought.

also this is a great book so read it.

ANOTHER BIG SCREEN ROLE FOR JENNIFER HUDSON

Jennifer Hudson, the former American Idol contestant who won the oscar in her first screen role in “Dreamgirls,” is ready for her next challenge. Hudson will star in “Winnie,” a drama that casts her as the former wife of South Africa’s first black president, Nelson Mandela.
Hudson will play Winnie Mandela in a film that begins production May 30 in the South African locations of Johannesburg, Capt Town, and the Transkei and Robben Island where the future president spent 18 of his 27 years in prison.
“Winnie” will be directed by Darrell J. Roodt, the veteran South African filmmaker whose 2006 film “Yesterday” was Africa’s Best Foreign Film nominee, and who also directed “Cry, The Beloved Country,” and “Sarafina!”
Andre Pieterse, Roodt and Paul L. Johnson wrote a script based on the Anne Marie du Preez Bezdrob biography “Winnie Mandela:A Life.”
Picture is being made with South African and Canadian money, with Pieterse producing with Michael Mosca of Canada’s Equinoxe Films.
While Nelson Mandela—who’ll be played by Morgan Freeman in the Clint Eastwood-directed “Invictus”– is a universally sympathetic figure for his struggle against apartheid, his former wife is a far more complicated figure. She has been depicted as the mother and wife who was a steadfast supporter of her activist husband and who was jailed herself for campaigning for his release and fighting against apartheid. Her image was subsequently tarnished by association with a bodyguard who murdered a 14-year old alleged informer, and she was later convicted of fraud.
The filmmakers will tell the whole story, good and bad.
“I was compelled and moved when I read the script,” Hudson said. “Winnie Mandela is a complex and extraordinary woman and I’m honored to be the actress asked to portray her. This is a powerful part of history that should be told.”

GAGA made me a HOE!

You know what i love soo much about the reaction of this video was angry loyal beyonce who were just like

"Why is beyonce acting like hoe..why?"

"GAGA ruined the song"

"THIS IS SHITTTTTT!!!
I watched the video i wont say lady gaga killed the song as much..its just that she TONED herself down alot..well blatently to make beyonce which i rather admire but again..it just made me think they was really no point of Lady googoo to be in video.

*goo on youtuve to watch video one more time"

Some guy on youtube just commented the video saying "BEYONCE LOOKS LIKE SHE GIVES GOOD HEAD IN THIS VIDEO"...ermmm ok you cartoon wanker

Ohh next time beyonce ...please dont be a media whore; justy have some intregrity and stick to what your good @ dancing with two backing dancers. Oh actually on your next song collaborate with JEDWARD...prettty please..i promise to buy all your house of dereon jeans if you do ;)

Beverly Johnson Breast Implants

Beverly Johnson made history when she rose to fame as the first black model to appear on the cover of American Vogue, way back in 1974.

Beverly Johnson paved the way for such models as Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks, in fact shes kinda like the Rosa Parks of the runway.

But even the most beautiful of women have their insecurities, which may have played a role in, what appears to be a breast implants operation for this former super model.

As you can see in the before and after picture, her new breasts appear to be very solid, without any natural hang whatsoever.

AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS RED CARPET