Christ ...... Is It Really Easter??

Monday 25th April, (Easter Monday)  I dreamt that I was asked to Buckingham Palace, by someone I knew (Can't recall who though) Somehow they had blagged, getting to design an outfit for Kate Middleton, but unlike myself, they didn't have a clue about fashion designing, or cutting a pattern. So they wanted me along, to save the day (I don't recall asking them, if I was going to get any money for my help, although it seemed that, I certainly wouldn't be getting any credit for the design) Kate wanted a sheer black top, under a grey mix, tweed, waist-coat, with lapels & a matching straight skirt just above the knee, with a 3" sheer black inserted stripe, at mid thigh level, with a row of silver rivets either side of the stripe along the edge of the tweed. 

My friend did a god awful sketch, of a interpretation of what Kate wanted, with no seams, buttons, darts or pockets featured. Kate looked confused, I couldn't blame her, as it was a mess & if it was made up, as drawn, you would not of been able to get into the garment! So I quickly sketched, what I felt Kate wanted, myself & she was very happy with the result & said that it was exactly what she had envisioned. My friend shot me a dirty look, god knows why? As I'd just saved her hide, she would not of got the job, with the blob she'd just drawn.


I thought I bet she (My friend) now gives my drawing to a tailor, or a dressmaker relative who can make it for her & then charges a fortune as if she has done it herself! Then I was with a guy who looked like the main guy in 'Police Academy' crossed with one of the Belushi actors (Not the 'Blue's Brothers' One!) He had made me some kind of friendship bracelet & I was in his house & it had all sorts of dogs in it , big & small, all really cute & friendly! 

Then I was in an Exercise class, I was warming up for the class, doing stretches on a mat, and I laid down & closed my eyes to do a long stretch, when I felt the heavy weight of a man on-top of me, with his mouth pressing hard on mine & hands groping, I quickly pushed him off. But when I opened my eyes there was nobody there! I'm not sure if that was part of my dream, or if I was the victim of a *incubus while I slept (*A randy ghost/spirit/demon that kisses, gropes & even penetrates it's victims in bed) Weird as it sounds, I've had incubus experiences, in other homes, when I was Not Asleep!

I woke at 9am, had a wash & had Sultana Bran & a Diet Coke for breakfast, then I changed into my grey 3/4 gym trousers & pale grey diamanté trimmed vest top & slipped on my TrimSoles & popped to the shop for my Sun paper as per usual. Today is Easter Monday, Not that you'd know it by the TV listings, BBC1 has nothing Easter related (Unless you count 'Chicken Run' due to its Egg 'Easter Egg' connection) 

BBC2 also had nothing Easter related, ITV, Ch4, also nothing!! Channel 5 had the film 'King Of Kings' though, so they at least gave a nod to it being, a Christian time of celebration. I'm not a practising Christian, but I do think the country & the country's 5 main TV stations especially the pious BBC, should give some nod to the day being a Christian celebration. As we are supposedly a Christian Country, not that you'd know it, now that councils (Since Labour 1st got into power) try to wipe out anything vaguely Christian, for fear of offending other faiths (Who Cares??.... If they're offended by our Christian Festivals/Holidays, they can fuck right off, to any non Christian Country of their choice!!) 

I did a load of Job & audition searches online & then applied for a bunch of both! Then I did some online surveys, it's very sunny out but its bitter cold in the icy wind. I had lunch of a home made vegetable hotpot, with a wholemeal roll & a coffee after, for lunch. Then I did the washing up & put a black wash in the washing machine. I then did 50 squats against the wall, with my Swiss ball in my back to stop my bad back getting worse. Then I did a few chores, plus some more job searches, before I watched the soaps then made a light dinner of, two wholemeal pittas filled with Tabouli salad, with some feta crumbled on top & a coffee to wash it down. I did the washing up then I watched the brilliant 'Hotel Inspector' where an Ex St Albans couple, are running a B&B in Ross-On-Wye, with rather quirky tastes in décor!! 

That was followed by 'The Royal Wedding Crashers' where Z listers are either conned into thinking they are doing a VT that is going to be shown at William & Kate's wedding reception, or that they are actually invited to the Royal Wedding after another celebrity has had to pull out (Like they did to Andrew Stone) It was a pretty dire, boring, show. The funniest moment was, when they asked Andrew Stone, if there was anyone who might be there, who he'd rather not be sat next to? & He replied with 'David Van Day' because he found him 'An Energy Vampire!!' PML!!! Then I watched the brilliant 'The Event' love that show, brilliant acting & then as I had to be up early I went to bed with the paper at midnight 

The paper said that police tried to trick Honeymoon murder suspect groom Shrien Dewani into South Africa, it was claimed yesterday. They let him leave 3 days after her murder, but on realising he was a suspect, they invited him back, to identify objects recovered after the carjacking,  

Jordan (Katie Price) survived a bad car accident in Argentina after the 4by4 Leandro was driving, hit & killed two horses that bolted into its path from nowhere, the horses death was devastating to horse loving, horse ridding Jordan.

Tuesday 26th April, woke at 7.30am when alarm went off, despite having a restless nights sleep, after falling asleep some time after 3am. My sleep was so restless I don't recall any dream, if I had one. I got up jumped in the bath & scrubbed & exfoliated, then got out & moisturised. I slipped on my paisley strapless long summer dress & a jacket (As unlike yesterday its very cold & windy out) Then popped to the shop, with wet hair, to get a paper & a Diet Coke & a pack of Twiglets to take to Endimol with me, in case I got peckish as I waited. I saw my neighbour Simon outside the shop with his dog Bobbie, who I always make a fuss of. I had some Sultana Bran & a Diet Coke for breakfast, then I did my make-up & dried my hair,  Just as I finished I got a knock on the door. 

May 2009 In My Paisley Dress, With Candie

It was the postman with my redelivered mystery parcel, from a friend. Ooh what is it? It was very well wrapped so prolonged the suspense, as It took some time to open, but I could tell it was very aromatic, it smelt a lot like my favourite Decleor Algae bath soak, that I haven't treated myself to in years. 

I wasn't far off, it was a set of South African Bath Goodies (I have a lot of friends from Cape Town, my Nick-name Evil Barbie was given to my by my SA friend Bryden) Bath salts, soap, moisturiser & a bag of Cadbury's mini eggs (So I did kinda get a Easter egg this year after all!!) With a Card inside, and I was really surprised by the cards contents!! There was the sweetest message, thanking me for being such a good friend, which really made me feel my friendship was appreciated. 

Sometimes you feel that due to circumstances you can't be anything more than a pair of ears, to listen when friends need to talk, or a fun distraction from their bad day, or a form of moral support & it never seems much to offer, but when cards/little parcels like today's turn up, you feel sometimes maybe doing something that small, can mean a lot, to some. 

Shame it didn't arrive a bit earlier, because I would of used it in today's bath. Shortly after my front door started rattling & it was the letting agents handy man putting my keyhole surround back on the door which he'd removed to paint (well done it's only taken you 10 months) after constant requests from me (As locking it was tricky when the key wobbled in the big hole) He'd said that the keyhole surround, made no difference, the door was warped which was causing the locking problems! Funny then, that now its back on, the door locking problem, from that supposed warped door, no longer exists.... he's f**king warped not the soddin door !!!


It really is bitter cold today & very grey out I think it might rain so I made sure I put my retractable umbrella in my bag along with a black pair of court shoes. I had some cashews & a cheese pitta for an early lunch & continued with last weeks blog and finally finished it, saved it all, with only the pictures to add now (Which later will turn out to have been a total waste of time, when 80% of it gets wiped off, by Blogger when posted on Wednesday night) after 8hrs adding pics, despite it all having been saved repeatedly!

At 1pm I changed out of my paisley dress & into my black version of Marilyn Monroe's halter-neck 'Seven Year Itch' dress, I put hair half up, and added my curly faux ponytail, peacock feather print earrings & my yellow shrug to keep back warm under my coat, and wore my long flat boots (which I will change out of, once I'm at Endimol) I pulled on my floor length warm military coat, as its bitter cold out (Its odd to think I was sunbathing yesterday) And I headed out the door to walk to the station at 1.30pm

I got to the station and saw my usual BR admirer, had a bit of a chat and got a travel card to London for £15 getting a receipt, so I can get my fare refunded. Two trains had been cancelled & the next was running late, so it was just as well I'd left home in plenty of time!!! I caught the fast train to London reading the paper en route.

Once at Kings Cross, I got the Victoria Line to Oxford Circus, where I changed onto the Central Line to Shepherds Bush, Arriving for my 3.30pm appointment at 3pm I went to the 5th floor and as I entered the Endimol reception I ran into Sarah (Who I worked with) on 'Louie Spence's Showbusiness' who squealed with surprise at seeing me there, & gave me a great big hug, asking what I was doing? & so I explained about 'Odd One In' She said she was working on the new relationship show with Barney (Who I worked with) on '24hr Quiz' I said to say 'Hi' to him if I don't see him. She asked how Nerissa & Ian was & what they were up to? So I told her, then one of the 'Odd One In' girls came over & said 'Hi' & whisked me off to the chill out lounge, after reimbursing my travel expenses. 

I filled in my release form & chilled out in the chill out area, with a coffee & last weeks Heat Magazine (The one with Peter Andre on the cover, spilling the beans about his split with Jordan & Ellen, plus claiming to wanting to be a bad boy now & remain single & just have fun with da ladies from now on!) The One with the 'The Only Way Is Essex' girls Supposedly without make-up (Lauren Goodger had tattooed on eyebrows *that looked bloody awful* as well as dyed lashes & tinted lip salve, Lydia who looks better without the make-up, still had lash extensions in & either a thin line of liquid liner on top lids, or tattooed eyeliner, plus tinted lip salve and Sam had smoky grey pencil along top of lashes & tinted lip salve so none of them were totally make-up free, as claimed as per usual, in these type of articles)


I was just fixing my 2nd Coffee, when who should walk in but Nigel, (Who was in Losing It with me) It turns out that he is also on the show, which is why he'd called me on Thursday. He like Sarah & I, is being mysterious about his role (which I think is more fun!) While chatting to Nigel, I discovered that my friend Ian's Nemesis, Graham Winstone-Peters (Coach Trip, 4 Weddings etc) Who I have also worked with, is also doing 'Odd One In' So with Sarah Dorsett too, that means that 3 people I know (so far) are on 'Odd One In' along with me & two of us were in the film 'Losing It' and 2-3 of us will be in 'The Fortune Teller' 

 Some Of 'Losing It's' Cast

I was just chatting to Nigel, when Jay walked in (Who I worked with) on 'Is It Just Me?' & 'Hit The Road Jack', he said to make sure I stayed single, as they would be starting the next 'Take Me Out' in July (Which he also works on, I couldn't do it last year as I was on 'Louie Spence's Showbusiness') He was also working on another new comedy show, that he thought I was good for, and said he'd email me the details. 

It wasn't until 4.30pm that I got called through to do my bit of filming for the TV executives (A hour later than the appointment, which is the norm in this business!!) I was called in to do my VT with two other guys, who were also claiming the same claim as me. A thin guy in his 20's and a pensioner, we all did our bit to camera claiming to be, what we all claimed to be & the pensioner kept getting tongue tied & missing 'The' out of the claim, Then we all had to tell our bit to VT on how we claimed to be/to do what we claimed to be/do.... 

The young lad was quite nervy & took about 6 takes to get the chosen take, he could then leave. I did two takes one longer one shorter & then could leave, which I did, so I don't know how the old boy did?? I said goodbye to everyone, then I left & text Nat to see if he was about? But I know Tuesdays are usually his quiz nights, he text he was out for the night, so no doubt he was off to his quiz night. Well I can't go home until 7pm on my off peak ticket, so I text Simon & Ian to say I'd just finished filming & were they around? Simon never answered, maybe he's loved up & preoccupied, Ian said to meet him at his place, so I set off to Stockwell. I got to Ian's & said a brief 'Hello' to his new, lesbian house-mate, then we set off into Clapham North & had a drink outside, in the now hot sun, finding free seats outside a local bar, chatting to a group of locals.

The locals were quite a good laugh & we swapped funny stories while I downed my cider & then Ian seduced me to come along to his Pub Quiz Night, so we popped on the train to Wandsworth & got to the Pub, that was not far off Wandsworth Common, it was a nice area lots of 4x4 cars around. The pub was really nice, really big, but really empty & I went to the ladies as soon as we got in, as cider goes straight through me. 


Ian Introduced himself to the staff & I soon found out why it was so empty!!! A pint of Strongbow Cider & a Large Glass of Pinot Grigio cost £10.75 WTF!!!!! Normally in St Albans a Pint of Strongbow is around the £2 -£3 mark tops!! & even at a very expensive £4 a pint, that would make the wine £6.75 a glass, Madness!! 


It was cheaper in central London!!! Meanwhile the 19-20yr old cute barman, with long hair seemed mesmerised by me for some reason? (or by my cleavage!) in that really sweet innocent, totally unaware way, so that they are being really obvious, like a Junior school kid, with a crush on their teacher. 

It was so blatant even Ian noticed & then he pissed himself laughing, when he saw the lad was down on the Till as Dom Jovie. Dom kept finding excuses to come over to me, while I was sat at the bar, would I like some ice for the cider? do I want a beer mat? a straw? etc & then subtly lead conversation, where I'd give it away if Ian was my Boyfriend/Husband, too too funny, but sweet!! It seemed there was not going to be enough people to hold a pub quiz tonight, which wasn't the end of the world for Ian, as Ian still got paid for it either way. Ian went outside for a ciggy, while waiting to see if any more customers were going to show up. While I sat at a table inside in the warm, as it had got quite blowy & cool again outside!

 Ian

Meanwhile Dom Jovie had me in stitches, he kind of came out of the bar at one end & headed towards my table, then swerved away again at the last min & then he did the same thing, coming at me from the other side of the bar, then 3rd time lucky he finally got to my table, looked like he was going to say something, blushed & then wiped the table & scarpered. Then Ian came back in, went to the bar & chatted to Dom & then Ian referred to me loudly as 'Cougar Town' & I laughed to myself thinking 'You little devil Ian, I know what your doing' I know I like a toy-boy & Dom was very cute, but I think he may be a bit young even for a dirty old woman like me!! 

Ian was trying to seduce me to stay in London & go to G.A.Y Late with him, but with my summer/winter mismatched wardrobe & also having had only 4 - 4.5hrs sleep last night. I thought I shouldn't & it would also cost me another £15 fare which I really can't afford & I don't want to be poncing drinks off Ian all night even if it is VERY cheap in there. So we compromised & decided to have one last drink in town, before I went home. But 1st we popped to a local McDonald's for something to eat as we were both famished, and it's quick & cheap, so I had a bean burger meal, with small fries & a small Diet Coke.

We got a train into Waterloo & the seat separators/arm rests were this kind of bulbous tear shape (above) when some people got off at one of the stops, I got a fit of the giggles, at 1st Ian didn't know quite why?? I said 'This isn't a Virgin train is it!!' he said in a confused tone 'Err No!!?' Then I pointed to one gaping seat divider, that looked like an engorged open vulva & I said 'What does that look like to you?' he followed my eye line & then got the giggles himself saying 'Oh my god, a huge vadge!!' So I took some pics of it (below) when the train stopped at Waterloo & everyone except us got off!!

Ian Tries Something Alien To Him

We went to Ku Bar & had a cider each, we had a fun night, people watching (It was switch night, so full of lesbian's more than gays tonight) Ian went for a cigarette & a table that was in front of us got up & filed past to me, to go out the back door (There is a gag in there somewhere!!) A guy in a plaid shirt, gelled hair & trendy wire framed glasses, came up to me & said in a foreign accent (I think maybe Italian but not 100% sure!) 'I just wanted to tell you that you are a stunningly beautiful woman!!' Which really took me aback, as I wasn't expecting it & I'd assumed he was gay (Well I guess he still could of been gay) Taken aback I said 'Thanks you made my night' He smiled & said 'Your welcome, because it's true!!' Then left. I could see Ian outside with his ciggy observing me, puzzled by my puzzled expression, so when he came back inside, I explained what had just happened. We then went outside to finish the last of our drink & were accosted by some annoying drunk guy from Scotland, who's idea of humour was talking about fucking his mum.... WTF??

So Ian & I set off to Leicester Square & went in our separate directions, I got to Kings Cross & waited for my train to arrive, I got on & sat down & some odd looking, middle aged Asian looking guy kept wandering up and down the length of the train while sat in the station, looking at people weirdly & leaving the connecting doors open, which was irritating people, just as the doors closed & the train started to pull out, two very handsome young rugby player looking guys, ahead of me went to go sit in the train seat opposite me (Yippee eye candy on the way home!!) 

But just before they did the nutty Asian guy rushed from the other side (behind me) & practically leaped into the seat giving everyone one of his weird looks, the hunky guys looked shocked, looked at him then looked at me as if to say WTF?? Then kept on going to the next carriage behind me. Fucking thanks you freak!! Then 5mins later he was up again strolling off up the train (Thank god he was giving me the creeps!!) when he went a guy sat diagonally opposite ahead of me rolled his eyes & shook his head & I nodded in agreement. 


I read the paper on the train there was a lot as expected on the Royal Wedding. There was even a Kate & William Mask to cut out for Friday! I got home about 1am & my stomach was grumbling again so I had another cheese pitta before bed with the Twiglets that had been in my bag & crashed out (Calories consumed 2,819 ...Oh bloody hell!!!) 


Wednesday 27th April, I woke early at 7.30am again, I can't recall any dreams at all, so much for eating cheese in the wee hrs giving you nightmares. I got up & had a bath & had some Sultana Bran & a Diet Coke for breakfast, then changed into my grey & white 3/4 gym trousers, my white long sleeved, Petite Bateau T-shirt, with my light grey diamanté trimmed vest over the top & pulled on my B&W TrimSoles. I was just about to head out to Jennies 'Pampered Chef' morning at 10.15am, when I got a phone call from a production company that I'd responded to, re an audition advertised. 

They asked me a few questions & then said they were going to email me some information & a form & they needed me to send it back immediately due to tight schedule, so went back upstairs & logged on to laptop & 3mins later the email arrived with a bloody long, eight page form attached, which took me from 10.30am until 11.45am to fill in & attach a photo, and send off. Which meant it's now a hour after, Jennies 'Pampered Chef' morning has started, so I can't go now & interrupt part way through!!


I popped to the shop to get a paper before going for my 2hr power walk & saw my neighbour Steve in there, I said I was off to the park, so would his cute spaniel Bobbie (A female not male Bobbie) like to come with me? He said that would be great & so Bobbie & I headed off to the Verulamium Park & popped into Jennies briefly en route, Jennie was sitting with her other invitees in the garden, her mum, plus a bunch of women from mid 50's to late 60's, who looked as much fun as anal warts, to be honest. 

I said I was sorry that I'd missed her 'Pampered Chef' morning, she said not to worry & to come round around 8pm Thursday to sample some of the leftovers, then Bobbie & I set off to the park!! We spent 2hrs walking & running together, she is a very sweet little thing!! I eventually got home at 2.15pm & made lunch of one cheese pitta pocket & one cheese roll with some Twiglets & some water then went to my finished SAVED Blog Titled 'Springs Back....... Lets Get Physical!!' & began to add the pictures (Which takes hours & hours amazingly!!) I added the pictures I already had, on my PC then I searched Google for other ones relevant for my blogs topics, then I stopped for a while at 6.30pm to watch 'Home & Away' A great soap, with great plot writing & fit hunky guys (what's not to like?) 

Then had some Tesco Sushi for dinner, followed by a fresh fruit salad, made from 3 bowls of fruit bought for just £1 from St Albans Market, before continuing searching for & adding photos to my finished blog (Which is/was my best Blog I have written, so far, full of funny & shocking story's & some wry observations, and packed with adventures, and tales from my life's past!)


I continued adding the pics while watching 'Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter' & TOWIE I'm worried that Kirks dad, the oldest swinger in town & owner of The Sugar Hut, is my age, he looks mid 50's to early 60's, I can't believe man chasing, chubby, car sales woman Gemma, who's in her 20's can really fancy portly Mick who looks 10yrs+ older than his years, it would be like dating her dad. 

Then I watched the NEW Davina McCall show on ITV 'Long Lost Family' who I contacted last year about finding my half brother Brian & my half sister Gaye. Not bad if they can help me that would be great. Then at 12.30am all the photos were added & my Blog 'Springs Back....... Lets Get Physical!!'  It was looking amazing, now all I had to do was publish it, so I clicked on the publish post button, but it took me to a page that said 'sorry your blog took to long to post press backspace & try again' so I did so (5 more times!!!) Before it said it had posted!


Then I clicked on view blog & after a few minutes of scrolling through it, I was having a mini seizure! It had only posted one third of my blog, wiping two thirds of it completely, my blog had taken me 9 days, including the day spent adding pics, at approx 10hrs a day that's 90hrs work, 60 of which were wiped!! I panicked & backspaced trying to get my original work back, as I'd only saved it on Blogger & nowhere else & despite saving it repeatedly on Blogger, Blogger bloody wiped it, which really stressed me out!! All that work gone, I was fuming at myself why didn't I cut & paste it to Word or my Hotmail before posting, just in case? Or open it in two windows so if it wiped it in one, I still had the other one open & intact to save (As they say hindsight is 20/20 vision!!) 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck ... all that time & all that work for nothing!! Like I don't have enough worries & stresses in my life already!! I ranted on Facebook & Twitter  about what Blogger had just done to my saved work then ranted @Blogger on Twitter & on their page on Facebook, as Blogger conveniently have no direct email or telephone number, so they can conveniently ignore my complaints on their Facebook page & on their Twitter page. 


I went to bed stressed & gutted that my best work had been wiped, with no notes to refer to, to re do it, back to its original glory. I will have to redo at a later date, when most of it will be a distant memory, or forgotten!! I read the paper to try to distract my anger, the normally boring as hell Gwyneth Paltrow, shattered her clean cut image after using the 'C' word on telly to describe her gran!! (nice!!) Punk Queen, Polly Styrene, a blast from my musical past, as an art Student, has sadly died at 53, after losing her battle with breast Cancer, crashed out shattered around 2am  (Calories consumed 1,757 oh dear!!)


Thursday 28th April, hardly slept at all last night, and what little sleep I got was fitful & restless, all thanks to Blogger, funny what can get to you, when your not working full time! I still can't believe that despite all my work, having been constantly saved, that on posting it, it kept saying it was taking to long to post & to hit the back arrow & try again (maybe slow due to being such a huge blog,  as so much was going on & so much in the news was infuriating me, or due to my laptop connection being slow!!) So I kept hitting the back arrow & going to post & the same thing kept happening until eventually it posted. 

When it finally was & I went to view my blog I discovered Blogger had wiped 60+ hours worth of SAVED work, Gutted & Fuming in equal measures (just my luck that it was the blog & the work I was most proud of that has been wiped!) Well done Blogger for not having a contact email or telephone number to complain to, or to contact tech people that might be able to re find lost SAVED work! So angry I could punch a hole through a brick wall right now. I might as well have spent those 60hrs in the gym, as I have fuck all to show for all my hard work now!!


I hoped when I turned on my laptop in the morning, it was a dream & my blog was still there in it's entirety, but alas it was not, gutted I had a wash made a coffee & bowl of Branflakes. I did my hair & make up & put on my 3/4 dark grey & white gym trousers, my white long sleeved Petite Bateau T-shirt, under my diamanté trimmed, light grey, vest top. Incandescent with rage I needed to get out of the place before I start smashing things in a rage!!!


So I decided to take my neighbours dog Bobbie out for a walk and spent 3hrs from 12.30 to 3.30pm aggressively throwing a ball for it to fetch for 3hrs, to try to exercise the ball of angry power inside me, but by the time poor Bobbie was all fetched out, I still had a residue of bubbling anger & resentment inside. We were walking back from the park past Jennies, when I got invited in for a tea, by her husband & so I sat in the garden with Bobbie for a bit, Jennie turned up shortly after & we had a mug of tea, a lemon curd sandwich & mini sponge cake with piped cream & blueberry's & sliced strawberry's on top, from her Pampered Chef morning yesterday. 

She said could I hang around for 30mins, to walk with them to pick the girls up from school, as the girls would love Bobbie, who is such a cute well behaved little Spaniel. So we did & the girls made a fuss of Bobbie & I walked them back home, Jennie said to come round later tonight when Edgar goes off to play darts, said I'd see her at 8pm then walked back to mine & popped Bobbie back in with my neighbour & got in about 4.45pm.


I popped into the shop for a Diet Coke & The Sun paper, logged on to my laptop & checked my Hotmail, Facebook & Twitter etc @CatFunt_ on Twitter made me laugh for the 1st time, since last night, when I saw his unsubtle & tasteless as ever tweet to @Blogger saying.......


CatFunt_

  

@Blogger Oi, you bunch of inbred bellends; Sort out @The_Evil_Barbie's blog that you've fucked well up! Cunts! Thankyouverymuch


@WKD81 said she was gutted for me, She'd said last night, that she couldn't wait to read my latest blog I was about to post & @wonderlandwigs was very sweet too saying......



wonderlandwigs

  

@The_Evil_Barbie it's always the way, you do something really great and put loads of effort in and then it just vanishes :(

I had a response from one of my auditions & they want me back again in a few weeks time. Still nothing from any of the retail jobs I have applied for, which is frustrating as I know I could do them all standing on my head, and do them damn well too!! The problem with retail & sales is there are 100s of people applying for the same job & it's a numbers game & often they prefer to take on someone less experienced on a cheaper wage & train them up, than pay more for someone more experienced. I applied for some more jobs until 7.45pm & then set off for Jennies.


Got to Jennies at 8pm & watched the fab 'Three In A Bed' & we watched 'My Big Fat Royal Gypsy Wedding' which Jennies daughter Lara found hysterical. Then she went to bed at 10pm & we watched Katie on Sky Living, it's strange sometimes her new Argentinian love looks like Ricky Martin & at other times like her son Junior, but all grown up! They were at Ascot, I expect he is a good horse rider like Katie, as most of my Argentinian friends ride, and I love the Argentinian Polo team. Jennie got quite tipsy on rose wine, which was quite amusing. Edgar got back from darts & was pleased his team had won! 


So I headed off home about 12.15am & went straight to bed & read the paper LOADS about the Royal Wedding again. Welsh strumpet  Imogen Thomas was sobbing on 'This Morning' saying she has been thrown to the lions..... Yeah maybe but she is no innocent, she knew the man she was sleeping with was married!! I finally turned off the lights & crashed out at 1am (Calories consumed 1,477 that's more like it)

Below Re Written Yet Again Thanks To Blogger Wiping "Everything Saved" After Thursday !!

Like it Wiped Everything Saved After Mid-Wednesday In My Last Blog!!

GGGGGRRRR BLOGGER SORT YOUR ACT OUT!!

Friday 29th April (The Royal Wedding)  I had a restless sleep waking at 7am & dozing on & off until 9am, then despite being shattered I put on ITV to watch the Royal wedding & it's run up, as BBC1 would be too left wing, pompous & full of bores puffed up with their own 'imagined' self importance!! At 10.45am I pottered downstairs & fixed a tray with some olives, an aubergine dip, chilli houmous plus 3 heated wholemeal pitta's & a can of K cider (classy as always) to nibble on during the ceremony, (A kind of half arsed Turkish breakfast with booze!!) & to raise a drink to William & Kate once they are pronounced Husband & Wife. The King of Tonga looked remarkably like Mohamed al-Fayed, for a moment I thought 'I wasn't expecting to see him invited!!' The TV announcer probably thought the same as the camera was on the King some time before rapidly mumbling "The King of Tonga arriving  at the Abbey!!" 

 Mohamed al-Fayed

The King Of Tonga

Kate (Now to be known as Catherine) wore a very pretty, simple, classic, 50's look dress with lace sleeves, very reminiscent of Princess Grace of Monaco's Wedding Dress. Actually its not that far removed to my mums dress for her 1st wedding to my uncle (Yes that's right my mum married brothers!!) 

William looked handsome in his uniform (especially with the cap on!) I don't know why William didn't use something like Satura Pro (or other proven treatments) on his hair, when it was apparent it was beginning to thin on top & he was bound to go bald like his father and uncles?? It's not as if he can't afford the best treatments going!!?? (For more info on Satura Pro keep reading my blogs!!) 

Princes Harry & William

Prince Harry, who has overtaken William to become the most handsome prince, looked very dashing indeed in his uniform (Yeah I admit it, I have a bit of a armed services uniform fetish!!) The two page boys looked adorable & Kate's sister & head bridesmaid, Pippa looked elegantly sexy, in her simple ivory cowl neck shift dress, with back button detail. The four small bridesmaids dresses were cute, shame two of the little girls were a bit unfortunate looking as - (There was a lot of talk on Twitter about one looking like the child of Shrek & comments on the lazy/boss eyed one) 

I raised my can of K (K for Kate) to the married couple & watched them ride in the open carriage back to The Palace surrounded by the Royal Life Guards.... Phwoooooor!!! That's one of the uniforms that does it most for me, I don't know why? But my guilty pleasure got to feel more guilty & borderline incestuous, when my late mum told me, that my Dad use to be one of the Queens Life Guards, before I was born!!.... Strange I never learnt that until years after dad died, I knew he was in the cavalry in WWII but not that, how odd that I am drawn to that uniform, I think its the uniforms breastplates mixed with tight jodhpurs & long boots (Probably why I have a thing for Polo players too!!) 

The Royal Lifeguards 

I managed to get dressed & do my make-up by the time they came out on the balcony and had two iconic kisses. 

My hair looked quite good in a shaggy Kim Wild circa 1980's stylie so didn't add any hair pieces. I did a natural make-up on my tanned face with a touch of black eyeliner, It was grey & windy out & also threatening to rain, so I wore my black wet look leggings, my long black boots & a long studded black & grey studded leopard print vest top over my white long sleeved Petite Bateau T-shirt, with my beige faux sheepskin body warmer by Oasis. I put my retractable umbrella & a bottle of Merlot wine (that's sat in my wine rack for over a year) in my big black sequinned shopper & set off for the 45min walk to Mikes (After buying a Sun paper from the shop next door & then posting it through my letterbox) 


Heading into town it seemed pretty quiet out, I haven't heard of any street party's in St Albans so if there is any they are poorly advertised!! Jennie & Edgar said there was meant to be one in Fishpool Street, when I saw them yesterday & the guy in my local off licence  said there was one in London Road. Walking towards the end of Catherine St I saw my 1st bit of patriotism when Coupers had two flags flying a Union Jack & The Flag of St George, representing The UK & England. Also Eve & Adam had bunting out of Union Jacks & St George flags (Even if they were in their own cream & burgundy colour ways)

As I neared the high street I saw the Blacksmiths Arms had made a small effort with a flag & some bunting & restaurant Darcy's had flown 4 Union Jacks outside, with anticipation I neared the high street, was it festooned with bunting? Was there a fair, a market or a street party?? 

 The Blacksmiths Royal Wedding Effort

OMG!!!......... NO!! There was Fuck All!!! I was in absolute shock & disgust in equal measures!!! Not a single shop had bunting or a wedding themed window display!! And the Council had not put out any bunting across the street, I can't believe the lack of patriotism from the council, the company's that run the shops & individuals in general on such a historic & patriotic day! I was totally disillusioned in St Albans, we are London home county's god damn it!!  

St Albans High Street's Royal Wedding Effort, April 29th

We have replaced Mayfair on the new Monopoly board, you would think they would of gone Royal Wedding Crazy like Candie & the gang in Muswell Hill!!

Regent Street, Royal Wedding Effort, London Style

I walked through town on a real downer, due to peoples lack of effort on such a historic day!! Plus I was now getting coated in drizzly rain, which didn't help lift my new downer of a mood, especially as the strong wind managed to still lash it under my umbrella. As I neared the end of the High Street I saw that at least the building that use to be the Town Hall & is now a coffee shop & function rooms, was flying the Union Jack. 

I turned into the town end of London Road & yet again nothing.... absolutely fuck all!! & no street party that the shop guy mentioned! I wonder if the rumoured Fishpool Street actually happened too? Mike called me, as I strode towards his in the rain to check I liked Haloumi, as I don't eat meat (I don't like Haloumi...... I LOVE it!!)


When I got to Mikes Electronic gates, my hair was more bedraggled than the shaggy of earlier, due to the rain en route. I popped in the code & entered & It suddenly became really warm & sunny, Mike was being his usual host with the most at his BBQ making sure everyone had plenty of food & drink, it was also good to see he had his bunting up & his Union Jack paper plates & cups. I chatted to his neighbours, who were lovely, including a young couple, who had just moved in to the close yesterday. I chatted to Linda for a bit & their son Liam has really grown & was being very cute. I started on the rose wine & then went on to the Vodka & Oranges haven't had one of those for ages. The Haloumi was cooked to perfection & went perfectly with a lovely dressed salad on offer & a chunk of french stick YUMMY!!  

Later Mike gave me a lift home & I got in somewhere between 7.30 - 8.30pm & quickly washed & dried my crazy hair straight before heading off to the British Legion for Nick's 40th birthday bash (I didn't bother changing as its only The British Legion) I spotted Nick on the dance floor & crept up behind him to surprise him, delighted to see me he picked me up & spun me round. I went to the bar to get a pint of cider at cheap legion prices (Classy as Ever!!) & then I looked around the hall, there was nobody I knew, except Nick. 

With Birthday Boy Nick

Soon two fun girls in their 20's came over to me & introduced themselves as Liz & Christina & said "Come with us, there are guys buying us drinks, thinking they will get lucky, we need somebody who will give as good as she gets!" They lead me back to the bar area where a middle aged, red haired man, who turned out to be a fireman & a guy not dissimilar to Minty from EastEnders stood & they passed the girls a drink & asked if I wanted a drink, so I thanked them & opted for a black Sambuca shot. 

I chatted with the guys and girls & had a laugh 2 more Sambuca's & a pint of cider later the Minty looky-likey gave me his card, which I put in my pocket without looking at it & then at some point, out of the blue without any request from me, or any talk on anything close to the subject, Minty suddenly flashed me a pic of his penis, on his phone Ewwww what was he thinking? Was that meant to excite me? WTF!!? I told Liz & she said 'Yuck!!' & bust into a fit of the giggles!  Why do some men do that? you don't hear of women, in the middle of a casual conversation, pulling out their phone and flashing a picture of their virgina, or thier breasts, to a virtual stranger!!



I got home around 1.30am & looked at Minty's business card, that was still in my pocket, and I discovered his job & if Minty had been a tall hunk, with an amazing personality, who didn't flash knob pics (which he isn't) He still wouldn't of had a chance with me, as his card showed he was a pest controller, who not only killed bugs but also mice, rabbits, rats, foxes, moles & pigeons... and I'm a veggie animal lover, who loves those little critters, 


I read the paper as expected LOADS on William & Kate, Honeymoon murder suspect Groom, Shrien Dewani, is being detained in a mental clinic with some of Britain's worst child killers & perverts, while his mind is being assessed. He was moved their after a bust up at the Priory, where he is being treated for post-traumatic stress. Dewani is on £250,000 bail. I crashed out around 2am (Calories consumed 2,184 Whoops!!)


Saturday 30th April, I woke at 8am to a lovely sunny day why can't it of been like that for the Royal Wedding yesterday? Not that I'm going to be sat out in it today. I had Alpen for breakfast then I had a bath & did my make-up, popped to the shop for a Sun paper, then a while later I made a coffee with some Krisprolls with chilli houmous for elevenses. I wore the long leopard print vest top, that I wore yesterday over my white 3/4 leggings today, and went into my Sunday housework overdrive. I stripped the bed & put a load or 3 in the washing machine. 


I hoovered the lounge, bedroom, hall, stairs & kitchen, did the dusting & washing up, then tackled the clean dry laundry putting in two piles one pile for laundry that needs ironing & another for those that don't. Then I stopped for a lunch of a Veggie Pasty with some Wotsits & a Almond Magnum. 

Then it was time to wade through the huge pile of laundry, to be ironed, while watching the God Awful 'William & Kate' Channel Five film, that I'd missed last week (Good god it was cringe worthily bad, none of the actors looked, or sounded like who they were meant to be, especially Prince Charles, who was hysterically bad) It was very cloyingly, twee and totally unbelievable!! Once the ironing was done, I put everything back in my wardrobes or draws (both the ironed & the stuff that had not needed ironing) & had a Diet Coke then put clean white linen on my bed, by which time it was 7pm so I fixed some macaroni cheese, with some Krisprolls for dinner, washed down with mineral water & a handful of fizzy cola bottle sweets. (I've got to get out of eating sweets, I only started eating them when mum died!) 

At 8pm I watched Britain's got talent not that there was any talent to speak of the judges were impressed with some aging singer, I don't know why? I did not rate his singing at all! Wagner on Xfactor was better & that's saying something, plus a chunky woman, doing embarrassing aunt at a wedding, disco dancing (I will do a critique once they have chosen their final finalists!!) I got peckish so snacked on some Krisprolls with aubergine dip then watched Million Pound Drop & Stand Up For The Week, then went to bed at midnight with the paper, The front page is William & Kate's balcony kiss at Buckingham Palace, and the 1st 22 pages were about the Royal Wedding. There wasn't much else of interest. (Calories consumed 2,650 holy cow!!!!!)


Sunday 1st May,  I woke at 9am to another sunny, but very windy day. I had a wash, then had Alpen, 4 Krisprolls & Diet Coke for breakfast, dressed the same as yesterday & slipped on my TrimSoles & popped to the shop for a NOTW paper, then did my usual load of online job applications & surveys while watching that old film classic 'Laurence of Arabia' on TV. Then I checked my audition sites & applied for some of the auditions available. Then I had some grilled Haloumi & sliced tomato wrapped in a Nan bread & a can of K Cider for lunch. The film finished & I hung out some wet laundry from one of yesterdays washes & did the washing up. 


I watched 'Come Dine With Me' then had a 2nd Nan bread rolled with Jarlsberg cheese inside for dinner & a coffee & 2 digestive biscuits as I had the munchies, then I watched 'The Hotel' (God knows why anybody stays at or has a wedding at that tatty old run down, poorly run hotel The Damson Dene??)  I cleaned the kitchen & bathroom then at 10pm it was time for TOWIE 'The Only Way Is Essex' 17st Gemma was having a Union Jack Vajazzle done, but as it was on her ample Belly rather than her Vagina I'd say it was more of a Bejazzle, not that it wasn't blatantly obvious before but tonight's show underlined the fact that Amy never has been, nor will she ever be a beauty therapist, you could see the part of the jewel application that had been pre done by a professional & the rest that shed done & made a bodge job of with blobs of white glue everywhere!! 


Anyone who believes a word of what these people are meant to do for a living are dumb, no was is Arg a singer, Sam is a Nuts model & no boutique owner, No way does Joey Essex have the brains or organisation skills to be an event organiser! No way does Lauren work in the fashion industry unless it's as a Saturday girl. The most attractive & charismatic character on their (Other than Lucy Meck) is the cute bulldog puppy Alien headed Lauren 'Roger' Pope gave to ignorant childish Kirk! 

Tonight Lydia (Who is looking a lot better these days) is supposedly meant of to have bumped into a hunky model, spilling her bags contents on the pavement, with him then helping her, that was the funniest god damn awful acting moment in the series so far (No wonder they're not paid!!!) Honestly a primary school drama class could of pulled it off more convincingly I was howling with laughter its so bad!!... If the USA get this as the UK's version of 'The Hills' god only knows what they will make of us Brits, based on this show!!?? I got ready for bed & took a pint of water with me & watched 'Desperate Housewives' In bed then read The News Of the World paper..... 


Again Mostly about the Royal Wedding. Also wacko Mariah Carey gave birth to her twins yesterday - while HER song 'We Belong Together' blasted out. Cheryl Cole has sacked her manager & has replaced her with 'Black Eyed Peas' buddy Will-i-am, think she has shot herself in the foot there (Anyone who thinks changing their name from William to Will-i-am, is cool, clearly isn't good at making decisions!!) I bet her ex manager Hilary Shaw feels betrayed!! (Calories consumed 2,492 oh dear diet & fitness kick starts next week in earnest)

Spring Has Sprung!.... Then Sodded Off Again!!

Monday 11th April,  I had a dream, where I was with my Mum & Dad & it was Christmas. My Sister was there, and I was handing them out lots of presents from me, which they opened & were really pleased with them. Then Julie gave mum & dad presents that they opened, & they gave presents to Julie, then they said 'Lets go see what's on TV!' I said 'Don't I get any?' & they all said 'No We Don't Like You!' I felt really hurt (I must have the pile of Xmas presents, in my lounge on my mind, that I am having to send to my brother in three instalments, when I can afford the postage) Then I was at school with my Actor/Singer friend Simon Cole & he had a crush on a schoolmate & also on a teacher too, I was asking him what he tended to go for, in general, older or younger? 

Horsing Around With Buddie Simon

Then I wandered into a factory & my mum was working there, earning £20 a week & I thought 'How can she survive on that?' Then I was somewhere, having to share a bed with my brother Bill & he was talking & moving about in his sleep & trying to push me forcibly, out of the bed, but he wasn't talking in his voice, he was talking & acting like Candies 6yr old Tiger! I woke up thinking 'What the hell was that all about?'

It's another beautiful sunny day out, so I am gonna enjoy my 2hr power walk today. I had a wash & had a Galaxy Chocolate Shake for breakfast & put hair up in a pony tail, put on my red/white/dark grey 3/4 gym trousers & a red camisole top over a longer white camisole top & my TrimSoles, & went make-up free so my face can tan more, while wearing my Dolce Gabbana Sunglasses (Exercise celeb stylie lol) Then I headed off up the park. I passed my friend David's & so I took his two chocolate Labrador's, Betty & Stanley along for the company & some exercise for them too. 

Betty is better behaved these days it seems, and we all enjoyed our 2hrs in the park, I then went off to JK Palmer's, getting a Sun paper en route. I decided on the Vegetarian all day breakfast, for a change today, which was very very tasty (I LOVE Haloumi) & also very filling, I was served by the usual lovely, smiley, blonde, waitress, as soon as I got in, efficient as ever!! I read the paper while I finished my Diet Coke. Apparently, released US government papers say that 3 UFOs, DID crash in Roswell, New Mexico & 3 Alien pilots were taken to a medical facility (I will await more info, about this, with great interest!)

 Roswell Autopsy??

As I got home the sky's went grey, there was no sign of the brilliant sunshine of earlier, in fact shortly after it poured with rain, with a gale lashing it against my window for a few hours. It was still the same after 'The Real Housewives Of Orange County' had finished & then at 5.30pm it had cleared again & it was back to a lovely sunny day, but now with a bit of a breeze. Ian called & we chatted for a bit & caught up & then my friend Mike called saying 'we must catch up soon' I watched 'Home & Away' & had some chopped steamed veg mixed with herbs, plus garlic, chilli & ginger, sprinkled with some mozzarella & melted under the grill, washed down with a Diet Coke or two! 

I watched 'Jean-Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors' on ITV4. He was in Dubai, I loved Dubai, when I went there, the weather, the food, the futuristic buildings, and the fact due to their laws you could go in a bar & club without having to see idiots all over each other, sucking face! Watching the show really took me back a few years. Then due to shit TV, I spent time catching up with last weeks blog until 11pm, when the brilliant 'The Event' was on. No call or text from Nick, even though I told him I was free tonight & the rest of the week, either he is pissed he got blown out Sunday, or he is busy, only time will tell which. I wrote some more of my blog after 'The Event' then read a bit of my Marilyn Monroe Book, before retiring for the night (Calories consumed 1,262)  


Tuesday 12th April, I dreamt I was working for Jungle again, but this time they had a shoe shop, as well as a clothes shop, & for some strange reason, I'd been storing my own shoes, on the 1st two wall shelving units, by the door, and I noticed that there were new shoes on them, not mine! I asked where my shoes that were on there, before, went? The new sales girl said she'd sold them all, I went crazy, saying they were all mine & all had cost me £200+ each, including a very expensive pair of long, black, designer boots. I was fuming!! I was wearing one of their black leather & faux cheetah skin dresses (That I use to own) and put on the matching black leather & faux cheetah skin Coat & headed off to the head office.

 My Jungle Dress - It's Since Been Sold On eBay

Close up!

The shop girls were following me & I said 'Who's in the shop?' they said 'Nobody!'  I said 'Who locked it up?' They said 'Nobody!!' I shouted at them 'You left a unlocked shop unattended? anyone could walk in & walk out of the shop with stock & takings are you mad?? Get back there now & we better not of been robbed!!' I then walked into a bar, that it appeared I worked at. But I woke at 8am, due to one of the hairdressers, talking very loudly, below me, I then fell asleep again until 9am.

I dreamt that, I was going to the party of Marlon Brando, in a luxury apartment, either on top of Dickens & Jones in Regent Street, or above Harvey Nichols in Knightsbridge. It was very large with grand staircases, with framed pictured of Hollywood film stars & I was done up 1940's - 50's style & I was looking for the ladies. I opened up a door to a room, thinking it may be the bathroom & found a room full of blonde's, being made up to look like Marilyn Monroe, with a photographer setup at the far end of the room, taking pictures of the finished Marilyn blonde's. 

 Marilyn Monroe

I started going down a grand staircase, but the stairs began to move beneath me like an escalator & as I descended, I realized the dropped ceiling ahead of me, was very low & although my body went under it, like in limbo dancing, I was trapped by my throat & I thought I was about to be decapitated & I was trying to call for help, but I could not be heard, above the noisy partying! In the end, I tilted my head back & pushed my chin upwards & slid under.

Richard Madeley

Still looking for a toilet, I wandered into a perfumery dept, I then realised, I was in the store, that was below the apartment. So I found myself looking for a way back upstairs again. I went through a door & realised it lead to the staff area staircase. I ran into Richard Madeley (Richard & Judy) who said he could get me back to the party. He took me along a very high, thin, flint, wall which I was frightened of falling off of, due to the uneven flint surface. 

I told him I was afraid of heights, then he made me slide down off the wall into a courtyard, full of broken up cardboard boxes & blue plastic crates, like the one's you see in pubs with beer bottles in, or with the milkman, with milk bottles in. I waded through the mess but there was a tower of crates, taller than me, about 3 crates wide & about 4 crates deep, blocking the doorway, which I then had to clear. I woke at 9am thinking, 'What the bloody hell was that all about?'

I woke at 10am, the weather is bright, but windy out, looks like Spring/Summer has gone for now! Bummer!!  Whatever that rash/bunch of sores was, they seem to have died down pretty much too, thanks to the Diprobase Cream. I had a wash & wore 3/4 dark grey gym trousers, my B&W TrimSole sandals & my light grey vest top, with diamanté trimmed neckline & armholes. I tied my hair back in a pony tail & went make-up free, I had Branflakes for breakfast then did some washing up & did a white wash & hung the laundry out, once finished. I popped to the shop for my Sun newspaper & a Diet Coke. Then settled down & read the paper. 

The Vile Cab driver Chris Halliwell, who murdered beautiful Sian O'Callaghan, and owned up to a 2nd murder of woman unknown & indicated burial spot (who turned out to be missing Becky Godden-Edwards) has allegedly hinted to detectives that there may be other body's (Hope the Gypsy's manage to get to pay out the price on that scums head!) I'm no fan of the Gypsy's the way they set up camp on land that's not theirs, or how they the avoid taxes, we non Gypsy's have to pay etc ... but the price out on Halliwell's head is one thing they have got right!

The Vile Accused, Chris Halliwell,

France has banned the Burka, GOOD, in the Koran it does not say at all, that women should be hidden away, all but their eyes! That is something, that misogynistic males have introduced to Islam, to have control over & weaken women. The same men who don't want women to receive an education, and it has absolutely fuck all to do with the Koran & Islam!! It is also a perfect cloaking medium, for terrorists & criminals to use to hide behind, while they commit their crimes/atrocity's (With CCTVs unable to recognise, who is under there, by just their eyes alone, especially if they also don sunglasses too!!) It is NOT a religious garment, and if they do not wish to live somewhere that bans it, then move back home, or to somewhere that allows it (Preferably NOT the too soft UK!!) Personally I'd like to see the UK follow suit!

Burka Babes!

Women in France who defied the ban law, were arrested yesterday. Yet ironically the biggest protest was outside the French Embassy, in way too soft England.  Fronted by the Vile hate preacher Anjem Choudary (who should be behind bars himself!) Fines in France for wearing a Burka is £132 & they can also be ordered to re educating classes, pointing out the fact that Burka is nothing to do with religion, but about male dominance over their females. Men forcing women to wear one, such as their husbands or imams, face fines of £26,500 & a year in jail (Having lived & worked in Paris, I was no fan of the arrogant Parisian's, but for once I agree with the French, shame they didn't have this much balls during WWII!!)

Anjem Choudary

I had chilli macaroni cheese for lunch, with a green salad while watching 'The Real Housewives Of Orange County' Then I got a call from WH Smith, to say that my two Jason Cook books that I'd ordered were in (There's No Room For Jugglers In My Circus & The Gangsters Runner) I said 'Great I'll collect them later or tomorrow' Nicky called by & I had a bit of a laugh with her, then I pulled on my black puffer jacket & headed off to WH Smiths & picked up the two books. 

I also popped into Boots & Bought 3 Shapers salads, 3 Shapers Drinks & 3 Shapers crisps (as part of their meal deal) Then I went to Ladbrookes, to pick up my winnings on Oscar Time (50peach way at 14-1, with my £1 free bet with The Sun) which netted me a whopping £2.75 & also so much for the free bet, as they deducted the £1 bet from my winnings, so my winnings were a whopping £1.75 ..... ooooh I feel a spending spree coming on!!! Then I popped into Tesco's to pick up my Free 'Right Royal Knees-Up', Street Party CD with NOTW (part two next week) An unusual mix of songs for a 'Royal Wedding' street party!! 1. Karma Chameleon. 2. Walking On Sunshine. 3. U Can't Touch This. 4. The One And Only. 5. Let's Stick Together. 6. Temptation. 7. Baby Come Back. 8. The Hippy Hippy Shake.

I did a load of job & audition searches & applied for a shit load! While munching on Shapers smokey bacon crisps & downing a very tasty 3cal Shapers cream soda. I did some hoovering, then settled down to watch 'Home & Away' I then had a Sesame Salmon & Noodle salad, with a side plate of some mozzarella'd vegetables & sweet chilli bites & another Shapers cream soda. I did the washing up then had a bath & exfoliated (To try to rid myself of the rest of the rash marks) I chatted a bit to friends on Twitter & Facebook, then changed into my nightie, then liberally covered myself with some Diprobase Cream, to calm down the last of the rash/allergy lumps & bumps. 

I watched EastEnders, as there was sod all else on, I can't Look at Tanya on EastEnders without seeing Drag Queen 'Dave Lynn' looking right back at me. It's a week since my St Albans date with Nick, after the 'Key/Jewellery Party Gate' (See Saturday in last Blog) I haven't heard from Nick since Sunday, despite saying I was free all of this week! (If a guy doesn't pull out the stops & make an effort, to make arrangements & impress me *without smothering me* I lose interest rapidly, even in the rare cases, where I was mega keen!!) If a man has a blaze, laid back attitude to arranging to see me, he is rapidly wiped from my memory banks. As expected I never heard from Mr 'Oh So Keen' Andrew (Who Nicky liked) who I met on Saturday April 2nd, 10 days ago. I just knew he was a Bullshitting Chancer! Full of flattery, Yet I didn't see him go to, slip his hand in his pocket once, to buy me a drink, despite attesting to be so keen!!! FAIL!! I watched Supersize V Superskinny, which had a Superskinny 5st Indian woman, who was such a picky eater, pushing her food round her plate that I wanted to punch her, as she was so irritating!! Versus a Supersized woman who scoffed so much meat, she would of cleaned out Noah's Ark by tea time!!

Then I watched 'Katie: My Beautiful Friends' as I was watching it Nick text at 9.11pm saying 'You OK & what you up too?' I hoped this was just his way of getting in touch, and not a way to say 'come for a drink, if your doing nothing' As my hair needs a wash & I have no make-up on & the pubs close in under 2hrs! So.... making it clear, that I just can't pop down the pub, to meet on very SHORT NOTICE, I said ' Not bad, thanks, just out of the bath, covered in thick cream & a face pack, in bed watching TV & checking audition sites on my laptop...... You?' Then I watched the TV some more including new show 'Campus' written by the brilliant writers of 'Green Wing' I loved 'Green Wing' I miss it not being on TV anymore & this was a great substitute, very very funny, you could tell it was the same teams work!! A hit already!!


I was watching 'CSI NY' when Nick text back at 11pm saying 'Nearly the same Mmmmmmmm ;-) '  Whatever that's meant to mean? No suggestion of meeting on either Wed, Thur or Fri despite me saying that, I was free for the week, in my text on Sunday! Major FAIL!!! If he contact's me on short notice, yet again, without making prior arrangements, I will be busy & will continue to be so unless he ups his game! It's not like I'm crazy about him, or anything! I watched CSI's until 1am, then I started to read the 1st of Jason's books, 'There's No Room For Jugglers In My Circus'  Remembering the old Bagley's & Gas Club days as I read. For a moment I was confused by the text, which didn't make sense, then I realised the manufacturer had collated the pages incorrectly, and the numbered pages went.... 15-16-19-20-17-18-21...  I will have to take it back & get it replaced. Crashed out for the night at 3am (Calories consumed 1,516)

Wednesday 13th April,  I woke at 9am, its grey and very windy out, If I dreamt I can't recall it! I decided I was going to do another 2hr power walk today, so I pulled my hair back in a tight ponytail, did a very light make-up & put on dark grey 3/4 gym trousers & my light grey diamanté trimmed vest top, over a white vest top, with my silver cardigan on top & my short Ivory puffa, bomber jacket & ivory magic scarf, on top of that (who'd of thought I was sunbathing 3 days ago!!?) I had breakfast of Branflakes & then set off at a pace round the park, lots of dogs in the park today. I got chatting to this tall good looking guy, of about 28-34yrs about 6ft 4" in a baseball cap with a lovely face & a bit Military looking, with a very good physique (Hello Mr Mr where have you been hiding?) He was throwing a ball, for what looked like a black Labrador/Great Dane mix, It was this dog rushing up to me to play, that got us talking (Good Dog!!) mostly about the dog.... I wouldn't mind bumping into him again!!.....

I could really feel the muscles, in the back of my thighs, my calves & my butt tightening today!! Is it the walking or the TrimSoles working?? Chatted to Ian a bit on the mobile, after he butt dialled me accidentally & then I got in, just before it bucketed down, 3hrs later (my power walk went an extra hr, maybe spurred on by the park hottie lol) I made lunch, of a King Prawn Noodle Salad & vegetable crisps, washed down with a 4cal Shapers Ginger beer. I watched 'The Real Housewives Of Orange County' Then finished off last weeks blog & began adding the pictures (which takes almost as long as writing it!!) It was so cold today, that in the end I had to give in & put the heating on (On Full!!!) English weather is like some of its inhabitants ..... CRAZY!!


I was contacted by JML on my mobile after I responded to a StarNow ad which said:-  Do you want to tone up but don’t want to go to the gym?! Maybe you are looking to get rid of your bingo wings with little fuss? We are looking for men and women aged 35 + with different levels of fitness to provide testimonials for a new fitness product designed to help strengthen your arms and tone your core muscles. Those selected will be given the product to trial and will give a short testimonial at a later date. Our ideal candidate has a bright & bubbly personality and is comfortable & confident talking in front of camera. I thought great sounds like me, I can use it on my acting CV & It will help with me toning up & getting fit again, like I was before mum died!! We arrange for me to meet them in their offices at noon next Thursday.

 Newlywed's To Be, Kate & William

I read the Sun paper, And going from skinny to scrawny, the future Queen to be Kate Middleton, is having to have (Diana's & now her) engagement ring, made smaller. She should quit the dieting, it's making her look older facially than her 29yrs & she is getting old lady hands too!! Meanwhile going from future bride to accused bridegroom, Shrien Dewani has been throwing plates in The Priory, which makes me think he IS GUILTY & is trying to be seen as certifiable for a cushy hospital life than face a SA trial & time in a South African jail that wont be a soft cushy one like the pathetic UK's!!

I watched 'Home & Away' and was just fixing a dinner of Sesame Salmon on a bed of Noodles with a side of Carrot Houmous & Branston Mini Cheddars, when my phone rang at 7.30pm it was Nick, I didn't answer as I was just about to sit down to eat & if he wants to meet tonight, he can text me, to see if I'm fee & can meet up! Even though it's last min! I tucked into my dinner & by 8.30pm Nick had not followed up his call with a text message, another FAIL! When we went out last Tuesday I chose the day, the time & the venue, I'm not chasing him with texts & making the arrangements myself again, when I was the one that chose it all last time. Be a man, when you hear I have a free week, on  a Sunday get back to me on Sun/Mon with a day for a date, with a suggested time & venue, if your Not man enough to do so, then  your Not man enough for me 'If you can't decide, step aside!!' Anyway if I'd had any cash I would of been in London at Steph's, Launch Night for 'The Daylight Theory' at The Embassy Club tonight, anyway!!


I watched 'CSI Miami' & 'CSI NY', I then watched 'Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter' whatever you feel about Kerry, love her or loathe her, we are all united by one thing, an absolute hatred for the Vile piece of trash, Kerry is unfortunate to have for a mother. She had to get out of the house Kerry had provided her with as it was an asset being taken due to her bankruptcy & her mum, who has lived there for free, for 8yrs was winging like a baby, despite the fact Kerry was now providing her with a new rented home, situated round the corner from her old home. 

Kerry was not only providing the professional removal people, so her Fat, Druggie, Mum didn't need to lift a fat finger, to even pack, let alone shift anything herself. Kerry was also paying the rent on the sponging, feckless, bitches, New home (Fuck knows why? She has lived rent free for 10yrs, surely she should have enough money saved from not paying rent, to be able to pay the rent on the new place herself!!) Where has all her cash over the last 10yrs gone? up her nose in drug form? or down her ample throat in food form?? The winging bitch should remember that she introduced Kerry to that C**t, Mark Croft who made her bankrupt in the 1st place, so if anything that sponging, bitch, brought it not only on herself but also on Kerry!!

Kerry's  Leech  Mum

Jennie called inviting me to come over Thursday & I said 'OK' (another night Nick will miss out on due to his inability to make any plans ahead) Then I watched TOWIE, just when you thought that Essex lot couldn't get any thicker, they surpass themselves!! My favourite part & oddly enough was also the sanest, which was Arg playing with the pig Mr Darcey in Lydia's White Witch looking mum's garden. Then I watched the 1st of the NEW series of 'Desperate Housewives', a brilliant action packed start, I text Nick saying 'Sorry saw I had a missed call, didn't hear phone in my bag above the noise'  If he doesn't get the hint to make plans in advance soon, I think it's safe to say he is a lost cause, I then watched 'The Big C' Before editing my blog & continuing to add photos, finally finishing at 4.30am & crashing out. (Calories Consumed 1,629)


Thursday 14th April,  I fell asleep about 5.30am & dreamt something to do with acting but it was so bitty & jumped about so much I can't recall the details, woke at 8.30am then slept again until 10am & got up to a grey gloomy day (Come back Spring all is forgiven!!) Dressed the same as yesterday & did some squats with my Swiss Ball, then had some Branflakes & a decaf coffee for breakfast, then I washed & dried hair & did a light make-up. I threw out some rubbish & did the washing up, another acting agency contacted me on StarNow, re going on their books & wanted me to come in to register at their Walthemstow office on Tuesday. Which I can't really afford to do, but the Fitness product people, are paying my fare to London on Thursday & so I messaged them to see if I could come in on Thursday & I'm now waiting to hear back.


I am now pretty much up to date blog wise, it took some time (after upset from my brother put me way behind as too upset to type) I watched loose women & snacked on some BBQ Mini Cheddars dipped in Carrot Houmous, then did some more squats with my Swiss ball & then watched 'The Real Housewives Of Orange County' Once that was over, I changed the bed linen & put some of the dry laundry that doesn't need ironing away, then I read the paper. Apparently Big Brother slapper Imogen Thomas is having an affair with a Married Premier League star, who is known as a real family man, so much so that even his agent is shocked (His lawyers have banned his name being disclosed) Funny the girls who want to be a WAG normally act like a SLAG! She must of Googled him, once she knew he was a footballer, so no way, did she not know he was married, such trash!


Wayne Rooney's most recent hooker (not the granny) had sex sessions with a married Leading male actor & used a sex toy on him, but said he was a disgusting kisser, saying he kissed like a virgin, seeing that most hookers don't kiss, maybe he felt odd about kissing her, maybe thinking kissing was just for his wife, the odd male logic, of married men, who use hookers (as told to Candie & I by Hookers/Escorts we use to chat to in the Stringfellows days in the 80's & 90's) The Actors lawyers also gagged the paper from disclosing the cheats name! Also an Essex boy was apparently killed by Dubai police officers after being arrested after a heated dispute with a female maid who entered his room unannounced at the Burj Al Arab (shocking) witnesses say 6 officers beat him with fists & Batons as well as kicked him & was left in solitary confinement for 3 days where he died of his injuries!


Apparently Stunning at 57yrs Christine Brinkley does 100 push-ups a day, 30 before she takes her morning shower, even in the supermarket she does squats as she pushes her trolley, and does yoga poses in the kitchen, plus uses school benches to do arm presses while watching her children in a games lesson, she also has a strict vegetarian diet..... OK that's how she gets the bod.... but how does she have that face at 57??

At 6.30pm I watched 'Home & Away' & then had a 12" Tuna Subway with cheese, then at 7.45 I set off round Jennies, Nick text just as I got there at 7.55pm saying 'What you up to tonight then?' Yet again a last minute contact, yep he definitely is dumb!! he cannot get a hint that he has to make arrangements, to see me  in advance! OK I'm obviously going to have to spell things out for him!! So I replied  'Just arrived at my friends.... lol I told you Sunday I had a week free, you should of suggested a day & a time to meet, or otherwise others will beat you to it. So there's just Friday or the weekend left now!'  Now if he has any brains (which I am beginning to give up on) He will quickly text back, to suggest going out Fri, Sat or Sunday, before somebody else beats him to it!!!! 

So when my phone beeped at 8.05pm I assumed he'd finally got the idea & he'd grown a pair & was taking charge & setting a date!! WRONG!! The text WAS from Nick but it said 'You Let Me Know Then' ..... No I am NOT the Man I am NOT making the arrangements Again!! Stop being so fucking wishy washy!! Exasperated I text back 'No.... you let me know, your the one that's working & knows when your free, you pick a day & a time out of the 3 & I'll put it in my diary!' Right that's it, if he doesn't text back with a day & time in the next 30mins that's it, game over!!


I am a Strong Independent Woman & I need a Strong Man, NOT a Wishy Washy Wuss!! Now when I say Strong, I don't mean some Bossy, Bullying, Controlling, Misogynist, Arsehole, anyone who tries the 'Treat them mean, keep them keen' crap on me, will be wasting their time. I'll just Fuck Off & do my own thing, until I find a Strong man (who I fancy!!) who treats me right!! Do I 'Want' a man in my life? YES! Do I 'Need' a man in my life? NO! 4hrs later still No text from Nick. FAIL.................. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry Nick you just blew it! A Wishy Washy man is a Huge Turn Off!!


I watched 'Three In A Bed' I'm glad the nice couple with the lovely B&B in the Norfolk Broads won, it was far superior, all though I liked the Somerset ones animals, but I Hated the Holland Park London one & the Vile Bitch that ran it, who use to teach Deportment at Lucy Clayton's, shame she left her charm behind at the charm school, she could also do with make-up lessons so she doesn't apply that bronze blusher with a trowel!!

 Nice Couple To The Right, Animal Lovers Centre, Vile Bitch In The Black, Left

I also saw 'Katie' on Sky Living while round Jennies, it's the 1st time I have seen it, since it started, glad she ended up choosing that black dress (which is lovely) over the ivory crocheted one (wonder if she would of pulled the Argentinian if she'd stuck with the original dress?) Her make-up artist Gary is looking more like Andrew Stone, every day, loved his Oscar outfit! One thing that did shock me on there was seeing Designer Lamis Khamis, who is working with Katie on Kattie's 'Day 22' collection, I follow Lamis Khamis on Twitter, her profile is obviously 10-20yrs old !!

 Katie In That Oscar's Dress

Gary Morphing Into Andrew Stone 

Watched Celebrity Juice (very funny this week) I told Jennie about our mutual acquaintance (her ex boyfriend) being arrested for theft & we laughed about it & his impending wedding in September! She also gave me an invite to a Pampered Chef 'Coffee Morning' to celebrate The Royal Wedding at 10.30am on Wed 27th April & said we must do coffee again next week! Edgar came home from darts, his team had won they are now 5th in the league, set off back home at midnight & read some more of Jason's book before going to bed (Calories Consumed 1,545)

Friday 15th April, I dreamt it was my Birthday I was out with Candie & someone else (don't know who, or even if they were male or female?) we went to a bar run by a lesbian couple who are dream regulars (though not anyone I know in real life!)  One is older with short blonde hair (a bit like a prettier version of the lesbian horse pundit woman) & the other is a younger pretty blonde with long hair, I finished my drink & Candie said she'd get me another one & got off her stool & went off behind us somewhere, which I found odd as we were sat at a bar with a barmaid behind it!


While she was gone the pretty lesbian arrived with some flowers for me, I thanked her & we chatted for a long time, she was worried as Candie had been gone ages & I said 'Candie Will of got chatting at the bar & lost time' just as I said that Candie re appeared round the corner with a rum & black, she sat down & started to drink the drink, looked at me & said 'You finished your drink?' I said 'yeah ages ago you said you were going to get me one!?' She said 'Ok I'm off to get you one, won't be long' I said 'You said that last time' Candie looked at her watch & said 'it's only 9pm!' I said 'Yeah but you went to get my drink originally at 8pm!' Then I was outside resting a laptop on a pub windowsill trying to send a message to Nick, but it wouldn't send, then I thought 'He's dyslexic he probably wouldn't be able to read it anyway!' Then I looked up and realised, that a guy inside the window was looking down my top, as I was bent over the laptop, so I quickly stood up & walked off.


I woke at 9.30am, had a coffee & Branflakes for breakfast, wore my tight white & grey 3/4 gym trousers & white diamanté trim vest top & silver cardigan & TrimSoles & popped to the shop for the paper & some more milk. at 11am the postman delivered my registered post diary Candie sent me exactly a week ago!! I watched 'Loose Women' & read the paper, an alleged serial killer Joseph Naso has been charged with the murders of 4 women who's 1st & last initials are the same, the 77yr old is said to have killed Carmen Colon, Pamela Parsons, Roxene Roggasch & Tracy Tofoya, who had nothing in common other than double initials. All 4 were done in California but he may have also murdered 3 others in New York in the 70's including another Carmen Colon!  The 3 school girls were dubbed 'The Double Initial Murders' He may even be linked to even more, as he travelled as a photographer, the Californian killings were from 1977-1994 What a total nut-case, I'm surprised a Brit nutter hasn't done that, except knowing us Brits, if one did, they'd do it in alphabetical order, OCD stylie!

 RIP Sian

Murdered beauty Sian O'Callaghan will be laid to rest Monday, the family will have a private cremation, her Scum Taxi Driver murder, Chris Halliwell 47 is charged with the 22yr olds murder. Meanwhile there is the horrifying news that hundreds of rapists, child abusers & violent thugs are let off with a caution justice chiefs admitted yesterday. Reports show 1,405 police cautions were issued over serious crimes last year!! Its a Joke Bring back the death penalty, for Rapists, murderers, serial killers, paedophiles, violent rapists etc that will clear up a lot of spaces in the jails for vermin! The cautions include 22 for rape, 144 for under age sex, 31 for indecent assaults on women, 220 were cautioned for wounding, 26 for kidnap, 16 for blackmail, 205 for robbery, 79 for firearm offences, 21 for escaping custody & 142 for burglary!! This Country is going to the dogs!!!


On a lighter note, there was a lovely pic of Gorilla Komale, at Bristol Zoo Cuddling a duckling, that had wandered into her compound, see below.... ahhhhh

Useless, Jobless, love rat (the fact he found 1 woman to sleep with his minging self, is amazing enough!!) Keith MacDonald, faked his death, to attempt at avoiding the responsibility's for his 9 kids (which the state pays for anyway!) He text the mother of his 9th kid from a friends phone saying he was dead & didn't answer his phone when she rang it. Then she got a facebook message, supposedly from his sister, confirming 'They all have different coloured hair' with lightning brains like that is it any wonder he is unemployed!!? With a bit of luck, his hoax will come true & once dead, he will no longer be a drain to the country, nor be able to add further to his brood, while his only input, in anything, is his cock!!!


Essex dimwit & ex Big Brother Winner Brian Belo is suing TOWIE saying they stole his idea for the ITV2  show, Brian was in the original Pilot for the show, originally names Totally Essex. But he was axed before it was commissioned for ITV2. He is suing his former manager Adam Muddle who he has now split from & Lime Productions which make the show. He said he spent 2yrs working on an idea for an Essex version of 'The Hills' his manager at the time pitched the idea to Lime Productions who are based in the city, they snapped it up & ITV loved the show (mind you they also commissioned OMG so that doesn't say much!) but Brian was pushed out (probably because he doesn't know when to shut up!!) At 1st he thought he wouldn't star but would be involved in the producing, but he was cut from that. He decided he could not keep quiet any longer after being cut out.

 Brian Belo Average IQ

 
Watched 'The Real Housewives Of Orange County' Then made a veggie cheeseburger for lunch, washed down with a Diet Coke. I Did the washing up, then did some Job searches, then put some more dry laundry away. Threw out a load of old papers & magazines (giving the ones that don't have lots of pages ripped out to local hairdressers) Then I did a bunch of job & Audition Searches, and applied for a shed load. Still chilly today but I resisted putting the heating on! At 6.30pm I watched 'Home & Away' Then posted a load of more silly Walmart pics in my Facebook' Peckish I made a small omelet with some coleslaw on the side, and a coffee, I watched 'Baboons With Bill Bailey' their such funny devious little devils! Then I had a shower, stripped naked & got into bed & watched The Semi Final & Final of 'Love Thy Neighbour' which for some reason had moved to More4, while tweeting at the same time!.

The Unpleasant bunch of Yorkshire Bigots, saw off two lesbians, two blacks & two gays, 1st 'What a surprise NOT!!' & in the end the tall window cleaner & his short beautician fiancé won (no shock there) Then I chatted to some of my Twitter mates such as @WKD81 @TruthHurt5 @CatFunt_  @ClareAtCan & @Pegasus_Elite I'm a big fan of our boys in the forces, I have many friends doing their duty world wide including in Iraq & Afghanistan, my heart is often in my mouth when I hear of fatality's, and I pray it's not someone I know (while feeling guilty for thinking that!) I have sent many a parcel or bluey out there, Pegasus Elite is a Facebook group that helps wounded British Forces, so if you like me, have pride in our boys & have a Facebook account, I recommend you join their group or re tweet their info on Twitter, every little helps. Settled down to sleep at 2am (Calories consumed 1,655)

Saturday 16th April, I dreamt I'd either moved to or was staying at some new area in England, and I'd been finding my way around hear & there in the company of a girl (who I don't know, nor why I was with her) then later I was out again and went down a street I'd not seen before & got lost, when I went back down it the other way again, nothing looked familiar & I had no idea of the name of the road I was staying on, or the name of the house/hotel? I also had no contact telephone number on me for them, or the girl I was with earlier!!! I was well & truly stuffed!! Then I was stark naked in a spa, a bit like the Sanctuary in Convent Garden where all the women can wander round nude if they wish (Where they filmed the swing scene in the Joan Collins film The Stud) 

The Sanctuary

Except for men were wandering around too & you were allowed to bring your dogs & they could swim in the pool with you, I couldn't decide if that was a good idea or unhygienic? I was walking naked up a very long steep set of white stairs in a white walled area to a spa area, & a guy was walking behind me (that must of been a lovely sight...... NOT!!!) Some tan terrier, of some type ran up the stairs behind me & unable to pass me on the narrow, steep steps he ran up my back and jumped onto the steps ahead of me, and was in my face licking it making me unable to see where I was going. Then I was in my double bed my TV in front and my books on the side table, and a young guy in his 20's with jet black hair, presumably my boyfriend began getting intimate with me, then I discovered my bed was in the middle of a big store shop floor & people were milling around...... Woke up with a start at 8.30am when the hairdressers below played 'American Boy' so loud on their Hi Fi, that it sounded like I was having a personal disco in my bedroom!! (Thanks Girls!!!) & they were laughing and joking with some guy, not sure if he was a customer or not, I could hear them all clearly, their ceiling badly needs sound proofing!!

Rudely awakened I made a coffee & read some more of Jason's Book 'There's no room for Jugglers in my Circus' not bad, I'm surprised its a best seller so far though, I know Jason's Dyslexic, but I don't know who proof read it, or who the copy writer is?  before it went to print? But they deserve a gangster getting hold of them!! It's full of errors, both grammatically and spelling wise, it's as if a predictive spell check has been used, but not checked, so wrong words opted for, in places. 

Such as 'In the Loins Den' instead of 'In the Lions Den' Also some expressions have been used, that I'm guessing the proof writer/predictive spell checker, hasn't heard of & out of Jason's Dyslexic writings it has either miss-written, or concocted  the expression, wrongly, the way Ethel in EastEnders would miss pronounce things! Whoever was in control of editing & quality control let Jason down!! I hope they didn't get a big fat cheque for their trouble, if they did, they did him over, even  more than the gangsters in his past had!


Got up at 10am & had a bath & dressed same as yesterday & popped to the shop make-up free & the guy in the shop said I looked very pretty today (Candie says that when I wear no make-up! Can't see it myself!!) I got a Sun paper and a few bibs & bobs & went home & had 4 Krisprolls with Peanut butter for breakfast (yum!!) checked my Facebook & Twitter & Hotmail messages then got stuck into the paper! 

Designer John Galliano was immediately fired from Dior after Anti Semantic pro Nazi rant a month or so back, now he has been booted out of his own label by the firm that owns 91% of his self titled business, that will teach him to say to diners that he thought were Jewish 'I Love Hitler....... Your forefathers would all be fucking gassed!!' With the fashion industry, the film industry & the wealthy elite rife with Jews I think the purchase of Galliano clothing & accessories will have taken one hell of a nose dive anyway!!

Hero squaddie, Lee Stephens captured the highest-ranking Taliban brute with just his bare hands after only being in Afghanistan a few weeks!! The Taliban maniac seized was highly wanted & a bomb  guru, feared to be behind 100's of deaths. He is also reported to be behind sending squads of suicide bombers to attack British Troops.

Another British Hero Granny Ann was behind 5 men in court yesterday, who admitted to carrying out a smash-and-grab jewellery robbery. The one that made 'Super-gran' Ann Timson famous all over the world after foiling the robbers mid robbery! By taking on the gang single-handedly, whacking them with her handbag, while a cowardly group had just stood by & watched or videoed it! Her actions were caught on CCTV, the gang had escaped with £100,000 worth of watches! The 5 ranging in age from 18 to 39 all from North London O'Brien 18 was armed with a sledge hammer, he fled as Ann beat him with the handbag, she then hit him as jumped on a scooter with Terry Ingles 22, causing them to fall off she continued to belt them, until the passers-by who'd just stood watching before, held them down until police arrived!  See Below

 Meanwhile the Gardens of killer cabbie scum Chris Halliwell yesterday, both his present home & his ex home 6 doors away! Past friends have told how he built a large patio with paving & concrete when he lived in his old home & how he dug deep foundations to build a rear conservatory at his new home! I bet they do find more bodies, the evil freak!!

Worthless piece of shit Terence Fowler 20, was filmed by police smashing through level crossing barriers, in a stolen red Mercedes car, to evade police, just 11 seconds before a high speed train thundered by, unfortunately escaping death himself, but fortunately, despite the track being strewn with the shattered barrier, the train did not become derailed & crash causing injury/death to its passengers (which it so easily could have) The piece of human garbage had driven at speeds of up to 90mph through heavy traffic to evade the police often on the wrong side of the road for 6miles, sentencing him to a pathetic three & a half years, the judge said he showed total disregard for pedestrians, other road users & rail travellers. 

Also his actions had put many lives at risk & he was lucky not to have been killed himself! (shame he didn't crash & die the other side of the crossing, one less bit of garbage & another cell freed up!) if anyone had been killed he would of been getting a life sentence (personally I think he should of got over 10yrs for dangerous driving!) He will be out stealing cars once those three & a half years are over, you can tell by looking at him (see above) he will always be a criminal & no doubt he will be out in under 2yrs for good behaviour (I don't think you should give anyone time off for GOOD behaviour, the sentence should be the sentence given & time ADDED for BAD behaviour!!)

Sorted some stuff out in my bedroom with Viva on playing 'Lady Gaga From The Begining' 1hr of Lady Gaga videos from 1st to last which had me dancing round the room like crazy as I sorted! Which included my favourite music video 'Bad Romance' (above) I also threw out two of my 'non-stick frying pan's from the kitchen, which had become 'stick frying pans' I had Some Tuna Light Lunch with Coleslaw & 2 Krisprolls, washed down with Diet Coke. Emma messaged me to see if I wanted to go out with her & the girls tonight? I couldn't I'm too broke. 

She also asked how things were going with Nick? I said I'd ruled him out for being too weak & wishy washy & explained why! she replied with  'I agree!! I thought the status you did the other day referred to him, ha ha!!! Shame though, thought you made a nice couple. Not sure how serious he is though. Think he might be a bit of a player!! We'll meet up another time hun. Take care xxx'  I replied with  'Well if he is a player, he is the most shit player of all time, no effort put in at all!! xxx' She retorted with  'Ha ha. I'll have words with him next time I see him. lol xx'  So I said  'lol I'm a hard nut to crack as it is, unless your a hot, tall, funny, guy in your mid 20's to mid 30's, but if I'm NOT Hot for you & you make no effort whatsoever, I lose interest quicker than The *Adelaide's  slappers lost their knickers lol x' (*A club Emma & I use to work in!!)

Being a Eurovision fan (Even tho we do badly due to political voting) I watched BBC1 at 6.10pm 'Eurovision: Your Country Needs Blue' (You can't call yourself a true Fag Hag & Not LOVE Eurovision!!) Watched the new Stacey Solomon & Keith Lemon venture 'Sing If You Can' Absolute, Boring, Shite I'm afraid to say!! I can only say two positives about it, Bridgett Neilson was looking fierce & Stacey's looked very good in her short skirt! 

Then I watched 'Britain's Got Talent' which was shit all but two acts two dancing collies & a madly dancing pensioner, then I find out the dancing pensioner was just copying an act that was a YouTube sensation, so that spoilt that act so it was back to just the dogs, There was a fat Gypo bloke in IT who played guitar & sang 'Fast Car' & the panel plus Ant &Dec were raving about him, but he was nothing special (Just not as shit as the dire, god damn awful acts before him!) It says a lot about Britain when the only consistent talent we have is dancing dogs!!

Chatted a bit on Twitter & Facebook& watched CSI & 'Stand Up For The Week' & 'Russell Howards Good News' then went back to reading more of Jason Cook's 1st book. (Calories Consumed 1,655)


Sunday 17th April, I dreamt, I was out with Candie & she was boasting how even though she's rich, she loves to shoplift for the excitement! Then we went to a bar and we were friends with a pretty petite blonde dancer/stripper there, she was in a tiny outfit and she had a large tattoo running from her waist all down one leg & I thought 'Awe why has she done that to herself?' She got up on stage and did some of her act & Candie went off somewhere (probably shoplifting lol) 

The girl then paired with another girl, and they covered themselves with metallic silver & blue body paint flowers & you couldn't see the blonde's tattoo anymore, I sat near the stage, during her act she took off an oversized baby blue flat cap & plonked it on my head. Later she said she felt really embarrassed me sing her on stage! I said 'Why?' but she said she didn't know, she just did. Then I was staying at my parents with my brother, but my parents were away. 


I was lying on a sofa or a bed with this pail, thin, bare chested, guy with jet black hair, hugging me, clinging to me like a limpet, making me feel claustrophobic & smothered, I wanted to peel him off me. I had no interest in him whatsoever & wondered who the fuck he was? Yet through the open door I could see a sexy, blonde, hottie slumped on a couch, or chaise longue, in the hallway & I thought 'Why can't I be with him, instead of this clingy, needy, freak??' I woke at 9.30am thinking 'WTF was that all about?' Funny though, it's kinda true, because, actually I prefer blondes, but always end up with guys with dark hair!

I got up got dressed & had some Alpen for breakfast, popped to the shop for a NOTW but they'd sold out, so went into town & popped into Tesco's, they had lots of NOTW but no magazine inside (no doubt why they still have lots) so went across road to other newsagents, they had no NOTW they said try Tesco, I said 'I did but they have no fabulous magazine inside!' he said 'Oh I have a spare Fabulous magazine take it & get the paper at Tesco's' Which was nice of him, I did so, when at Tesco's kiosk counter I asked if I could rip out the 'Right Royal Knees-Up' voucher & take the 2nd CD now? The portly greasy haired male assistant, said 'We're not doing it, only the larger Tesco's are!' I said 'Well you did the 1st one last week!!'  He replied 'Sorry but we aren't having the 2nd one!' That just doesn't make sense, I thought & decided I'd pop by tomorrow, as I have a sneaky suspicion that they do & he doesn't know where they're kept & is too bone idle to look!! 

Got on the scales today, I've gained 1.5lb this week (oh bugger!!) back in gym from Monday, got to get back to the old me (the me before mum died!)  Read the paper, my Mystic Meg stars for Gemini said 'You will learn much about your untapped potential & the full moon links you with the showbiz world' (which is quite funny as I have to be somewhere in May that is to do with hidden potential & showbiz!!) it also said SINGLE: He has all the qualities of a good friend plus the looks you love (ooh sounds promising!!!) I my 'I Ching' says - Can a relationship go even further? Hmmm?


More on Wayne Rooney's Hooker talking about bedding one of his team mates, in a foursome. Also shagging 2 other football millionaires, 3 actors, a judge, a politician, a VIP & a Top Cop... her parents must be so proud!!


Meanwhile scum Somalian Muslim gangsters, planned to kill the Governor of Belmarsh Prison with a car bomb, but their plans were foiled, due to a tip off, the plot was so to show other inmates, that the Somalian gangsters inside, were the top dogs. They also tried blackmailing two prison staff that were living together.

Had 6 Krisprolls with Tzatziki & a Diet Coke then did the washing up then mopped the bathroom floor & semi washed the kitchen floor (will do it properly when I get some more floor cleaner from Wilkinson's/Poundland tomorrow.... too expensive in corner shop!!) Did a load of online surveys that had mounted up as I'd been too busy catching up with blogs, to do them!) I got a bit boss eyed doing them for a while so I stopped made a coffee & checking my Twitter, Facebook & Hotmail messages during the break & answering them, and playing a few goes on Scrabble. 

Watched 'Come Dine With Me' apart from 'TOWIE' later (so shit it's good) tonight's TV is shite!!! So I finished reading Jason Cook's  1st book then had some Alpen as I was peckish but not hungry. Then it was back to more surveys (which at 5-45mins per survey takes some time!!) Some are more fun & interesting than others, I could of had a load of pasta meal sent to me to try with one (but there was no point) as they were all different meat based pasta dishes & I'm a piscaterian (I eat some fish but not meat!!) Peckish again I had another coffee with some Krisprolls & Peanut Butter Mmmmmm!! 

Chatted a bit more to my friends online then had a shower & moisturised & slipped my naked carcass into bed as it's back to the gym tomorrow!! Time to change Evil Barbie back into Evil Barbie Babe!! (Calories consumed 1,725)